Airtel

Gidi Up

Gidi Up

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Dear LIB readers: is my marriage normal?

From a female LIB reader
I got married in 2008 to a military man and we have not lived together up to a month at a stretch except twice when I had my babies and was on maternity leave. He is always being transferred from one state to the other. I am a banker and can't keep moving with him because I need to keep my job and also be independent. Please I need to know if there are other families in my shoes.

158 comments:

Anonymous said...

sweetie ur marriage is very normal and thats the life of a military personnel shey u no kw dat one bfore u marry am ni? na federal govt get ur hubby

Anonymous said...

Wow I dnt tink dis normal ooooo.. I hope ur husband does not av another family already...linda post my comment oooo.

NKECHI said...

Sweetheart welcome to reality. Many people are in your shoes. It's not the best but since this is your case, let him visit each time he can. It will not be like leaving together but it will go a long way.

tara said...

didn't u talk or think abt it b4 getting married? u either make a way for it to work or u leave. i assure u, there are pple with real problems out there

★★PRINCE CHARMING™★★ said...

Isn't this so obvious? Military and para military jobs usually have to do with a lot of transverse. If he is well to do and you guys have saved up a lot, you can quit your job and be with him, you guys need to be together, lots of reasons to back that up.

Anonymous said...

Yes ur marriage is normal jus get someone dat will be servicing u. Shikena.

Anonymous said...

My dear der are lots in ur shoe. U shld ve seen dt cumin since he is a millitary man. U just ve to bare it oh quit ur job n start travelling wit him. If I shld I advise u beta retain ur job. U shld gottn use to situation of tyns by nw.

Anonymous said...

Yeap, there are a lot of families like u, that u can't even imagine but military personnel do have leave. Like a month or less in a year.

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Dear you're even better than many married women.
what of those in "my husband in diaspora" type of marriage,who are still waiting for the man to come take them abroad. and he only shows up to increase Nigeria's population.
Have faith you've come a long way. soon everything will be much better.
Pray he's won't be sent to Maidugiri.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

Dee_deeY said...

My sister, you are not alone. Growing up, it was the same for us till my mom decided to plant roots so we could have a semi stable foundation for an education. Moving a lot gives a checkered educational background., the plus side is that your kids will be confident, pick up different languages along the way and will learn to cope with whatever comes their way. It'll definitely make YOU independent to the core.
Marriage is forever, you could wait till your children are old enough so you both can have "mini vacations" or just look forward to annual leave or retirement.
Stay strong,

Cute G said...

Maam,Didn't U agree wt these terms b4 getting into marriage wt him?I think patience should be ur virtue for now.

BLOGLORD said...

you should have thought of all of his before saying I do!
ok so what do you want me to say to you now?
anywaz you ought to know that military men are hardly around. huh?
you jus got to get used to it. you can't be jumping all over the place with him. abi you go follow am go war too?

Anonymous said...

Lk r u 4 real???? U married a millitary man and u r asking dis stupid question???? Ask other millitary wives and husbands and not civilians hw they cope with movement and staff orders !!!! U signed up 4 it when u said "I do"!!!

Ruth Fagbe said...

Am sure u knew wot u were goin in2 b4 d marriage.....Be strong 4 ur husband n kids,one day he'll get 2 d stage wher he won't b transferrd anyhow.

Anonymous said...

My dear its either ur marriage or ur job. Choose one..if u continue like this he is going to get himself a mistress who is willing to folllow him around,marry her and that's it! So u can't eat ur cake and have it..or if ur job is fulfilling enuf to take d place of ur husband then continue with d job but don't complain when u eventually have a second woman to contend with..also think of paying him a suprise visit,u will b shocked at what u will find.*lips sealed*

Anonymous said...

What can i say....u can'T claim to be ignorant of the situation before u married your husband.It's a choice you made.You knew what his kind of job required and i am guessing u were ready for it...so why ask us now?Anyway,i've seen a lot of others in your kind of situation but me personally,i don't plan to settle for that kind of life.

LadyF

Anonymous said...

That's d life of a military man always on d road,its very normal

Anonymous said...

Yes o, am in d same shoes as urs o. Its becoming normal now in naija cos of our economy.

Anonymous said...

My parents used to live like dis till my dad retired.Wen he was still in service,he comes home @ every month end.Dunno the parastatal your hubby works with,but u cld also take time to travel to his station to understand the nature of his job and what makes him busy or talk to him abt it.,dere cld be a reason.No assumptions please

Anonymous said...

The question u shd be asking is how do I survive ds marriage n not if ur marriage is normal,u knew d nature of his job bf u married him ...well u re in and u av to cope by d grace of GOD cos u certainly cannot follow him everywhere. I am presently courting a navy captain n I av already decided I can't marry him cos I avnt seen him in six month and I can't live d rest of my life dt way,now that I know if I end up marrying him I need not complain bcos I know wt d marriage wld be like already,now my advice for u is love him faithfully n bury ursf in ur GOD,ur job n ur responsibility as a mother until he retires...all d best

Iyalode said...

The sad thing is; that is the life of an army family in Nigeria. Best thing is for the husband to settle the wife and kids in one state/location where they will call home and then he comes whenever he is off duty or the wife and kids can visit him.
I have a friend who is married to a naval officer and this has worked perfectly for them. Asking the wife and kids to keep moving with every transfer is a lot of stress on the entire family, because sometimes these transfers come like twice a year and if this happens constantly, it will mean the kids for instance will have to change schools at least twice a year, drop and make new friends all the time and it is not healthy for them.
Also the wife can't afford to go with every transfer since she is building a career of her own, which will be selfish of the man not to consider.
Therefore the husband and wife should sit down and discuss and choose a location that will be suited for a family settlement. Am sure there a lot of army families who have chooses this alternative because it reduces to a minimal the disruptions in family life.

Anonymous said...

Every military family in the world has to understand and accept that moving around is part of the process..so pls don't ask LIB readers go and ask your husbands colleagues wives....my in law who is a very senior ranking officer in airforce just kept his family permanently in lagos and visits as often as he can.

Anonymous said...

Ure not alone. Am right there in ur shoes. My husband is a pilot nd I don't know if I shld keep following him or stay sumwhere nd face my career nd baby

Anonymous said...

Dear madam banker, why not ask your fellow military officers wives dat question? U obviously knew wot u were getting into. Y ask dis dumb question after 4years?
.........Sugar Cane......

Anonymous said...

Well, that's to be expected because of the nature of his job. But I have a good friend who was in a similar situation & she found out her husband had other 2 other wives & also other kids in the different cities he had been posted to since they got married. Please be careful & try to visit him often. Lonely men get up to all sorts.

Anonymous said...

Am not married ooo but i don't pray 4 ur kind of marriage...Amen!!!!! Btw i also pray 2 God 2 give u more strenght 2 be able 2 keep dis marriage and 2 also make u happy @ all time.

Anonymous said...

Your marriage is perfectly normal. Not all marriages are as perfect as what your read in romantic novels and movies. Some are even worse; a situation where the husband is hussling in Europe/America and wife is in Nigeria. She gets to see her husband once in 2 years. Being happy is a personal decision. You can be happy in your marriage if you choose to be.

Anonymous said...

I dey laugh oh! Shebi u wan be NAOWA? My dear it is very Normal with military marriages. Abi u no know b4 u marry am? If not transferred he go dey Sudan, liberia or mali.

Niger Delta Generation Next said...

Abi na f**k you go just miss. Just save your self scrim the break

Anonymous said...

Just stay strong and b very prayerful.It will end well. Most marriages are by PROXY these days all not becos d parties involved want it so but becos bills must be paid and as such need to kp their jobs. My dear, sooner than u think, u wl b 2gether wit ur hubby!Rgds!

Anonymous said...

I think u sold be hapi ur husband is nt always home cos its nt easy leaving wit a man 24/7.so hapi for u babes

Anonymous said...

My elder sis is married to a soldier,this means he has to always be on the move but my sis is a matron and working,she has resolved to stay where she is so that her kids would have normal and uninterrupted education,even if u move to where ur husband is,there is no guarantee that he won't be taken to another state and that means u move also.I will advice u stay put where u r and focus on ur job and children,make do with d little short visits he can afford...atleast u knew his occupation and what it entails bfore marrying him.

Anonymous said...

Haba..You knew about his job before you married him now.At least, he is not living abroad. You are better than some people. Just endure for now and make the best of what you have.

Anonymous said...

You should have known his type of job before getting married to him...

Army Brat said...

My dear wen u married a military man that's wat u signed up for now. U have 3 options:
1. Remain where u are I.e. A stable base for you and your kids - maintain the statusque

2. Quit ur job and go and teach in one of the military schools. That way, u'll have a job and you can follow him on all his postings

3. Quit ur job, become a housewife and follow him everywhere.

However, pls note that options 2&3 don't guarantee a faithful husband or a happier home. Your choice! Good luck

Anonymous said...

My dear you should've known before hand that this is how military marriage usually is. All my friends that we both dated officers who did marry them are having some of this challenge but if I may ask, is your hubby a soldier or officer coz I know officers can stay in a state for two years and rotate then move to different loc but in same state.
Your marriage stability depends most on the communication/understanding level between you and hubby. Learn to cope dear. Na all this things I calculate and I jejely carry myself away

BIG FISH * said...

Yes lot of families re in ur shoes...u nid to understd wit ur husband and make ur children knw the kind of Job their father do and y he couldn't b always around.... I understd ur fears and grief but my dear lot of families re into this kind of situation and they manage it beta...Time is coming all will b well settled.
"STILL WATCHING FROM MY OCEAN

Anonymous said...

Ders nufin wrong wit ur marriage as long as U̶̲̥̅̊ remain faithful to each oda. D disadv is jst dt U̶̲̥̅̊ n ur children won't enjoy d benefit(s) of intimacy wic is nEeded in any relationship bt its stil ok if U̶̲̥̅̊ guyz r faithful to each oda. #Bammy#

Anonymous said...

Your marriage is normal. If you think you are missing out, move with him.

Anonymous said...

Babes, it's very normal oh. My dad was in the military and I recall us having to move to different cities, houses, schools etc, its actually very normal. The military eventually deploy their staff to stay in a permanent location which 9 out of 10 time is Lagos. Stay strong my dear.

Becqui Nicholas said...

Like Cute G has said,you just need plenty of patience cuz,u knew who he was before you married him....

Anonymous said...

No

Anonymous said...

U just have to endure.I feel for u cos am going tru d same.He's bin gone for a year now and am still waiting for him. Pls b strong for ur children ok. U're still going enjoy him.

Anonymous said...

Keep your shoes and enjoy it. Your marriage is a crack , so enjoy your choice gal

Anonymous said...

Yea dear.... Its pretty normal. There are a lot of families like urs. Its d life of being married 2 a force man.

HighJ Udeh said...

when i become a lieutenant i wonder how ma future hubby wil feel,sis its well i pray u guys b faithfull in ur marriage and God will see u true...

Anonymous said...

Na today. leave him for me na.. complaining over nothing. When u were praying for marriage God gave u marriage, now ure complaining about another issue. Shift jor.

Anonymous said...

Dis isn't an easy thng cos loneliness can b killing. Ʊ jst need 2stay strong.mk ur kids nd job ur company

Anonymous said...

Alot of woman r passin tru d same tin. My husband has to b on d road weekly jus so he can spnd somtime wt us wch is very risky. Jus Tnk God for hs safety thus far. I'l advise u to jus stay put wia u r so de kids can av a stable life as travellin frm state to state wil affect dia schoolin. Remain independent pls cos its necessary for women.

Anonymous said...

Ofcourse you are not alone in this and will never be. Marriages are challenged by a lot of issues tasking parties as to d genuity of their affection. You guys got a decision to make. Individual career to d detriment of your vows or otherwise. Goodluck

Anonymous said...

If u wana rili enjoy him, d best is 2 quit ur job n go in2 business. Shikena!!

Anonymous said...

@cuteG u r so right.dnt know wats wrong wt ppl,dnt jst go into marriage without weighing all d pros and cons.cn u live wt d person,cn u cope wt their lifestyle,if hz job warrant frequent travels ,if yes cn u cope wt d loneliness.I always tell ppl look very well b4 u leap,many problems ppl encounter in marriages 2day its cos they dint research well b4 getting wt d person or they sw d signs bt chose to ignore it.

Olumide said...

I feel you should have bn aware of this experience even b4 you say YES to his proposal, a standard slogan in Military is " OBEY THE LAST ORDER" so, there shud be no issue at all on this; all u nid do is with a mutual agreement wt d man ur daily upkeep money must be flawless then from time to time you will av 2 be going 2 wherever he's posted to 4 ur routine sexual satisfaction till God finally settles U guys independently.

Anonymous said...

Why r u complaining ma'am? U shud have known all dis b4 marriage so get used to it!

Anonymous said...

Ure not alone my dad ws a policeman wen I ws a kid he ws always movin 4rm 1 state to another but my mum ws a patient woman so she single handedly brought us up while doin her pety tradin he is retired now n we are all leavin 2geda now. B4 now I only see him 1ce in 2 to 3 months n he will only spend a week n he is gone again he provided all d necesary finance we all went to the universty he paid our sch fees so my sister ur husband need ur patience it will b better jst focus on bringin up ur children as long as he love u dats all dat matters wish u goodluck

Anonymous said...

Patience is a virtue. A lot of families go through similar situation. My advice pray alot, ask for patience and courage to handle matters... Once your children are old enough, You'll reap the fruit of your labour. More importantly be wise to be there for your kids at this stage of their lives, developmental stage is key in d future of a child.

patalex said...

Patience cupcakes

Anonymous said...

Understanding lo matter. Beside all marriage shouldn't be desame. I got married 2010, I spend a month wi y hnmg family since then since I was not able to find good job after my sch. Decided to All move abroad. My son and wife are very understanding since meeting there needs is more important than penury. Regards to skype, facebook, facetime, whatsapp.

Anonymous said...

Yea pipu ve diz same marrige jus be patient n hold to God.

Anonymous said...

It's no biggy as long as u luv & trust each other.my own hubby is based in d US,all we do is visit each other once in a while wit my boy.even b4 i cld secure a visa he has only been d one coming&it's notin 2 me cz i knew b4 i agreed 2 settle 4 him&wen i acquired a visa it mks tins better & i'm enjoying it.so u'r nt d only one in such shoe my dear.infact urs is even better cz we cld do without seeing each other 4 6mth sometimes,but i always av it @ d back of my mind dt once he relocate or retire den we can always b 2gether.

somadina obi said...

Γφυ should have thought about this carefully before saying I do. Not easy tho..buh γφυ av to be patient nd talk to God, he listens...with time things will fall in place

Anonymous said...

This is a tough one. You really have to be patient cos of the kids and your job. Just pray that he does not get into any serious relationship whereever he is posted to and get carried away. It happened to a friend. Its a risk you have to take. He should make out time to come home often. God will guide you.

Anonymous said...

Go and tap anointing from annie idibia.......SURULERE

Anonymous said...

My dear, dats d life of military men so, u v to cope wit it and wait till ur kids r all grown bf u can enjoy ur marriage wit him. Just endure, marriage is for bter for worse oh.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure all women married to millitary men face d same thing. My dad speaks differnt nigerian languages,reasons r my grandad was military man, and he was always being transferd from one state to the other, but my grandma was a fultime house wife and didn't have problems moving. I'll advice u to stay in one state, raise ur kids let ur husband do d moving,my mama say na woman dey hold house Oo°˚˚˚°! like u said u can't keep changing jobs. And pray that God blinds his eyes towards other women Oo°˚˚˚°!lol. Tokoni

Anonymous said...

Your marriage is normal. If u are tired of the distance. Quit your job and join ur husband. Anyway, Cute G gave you a perfect answer.
I lived in Nigeria for 5yrs while my wife was in US all thru that period cos I couldn't get a visa. After 5yrs, she gave up and resigned her job to live with me in Nigeria. I am not so rich but at least I am taking care of her n our son the very best way I can.

Anonymous said...

very normal
if you are married to a military man, police, Engineers and i think Pilots, you'll go through this
while its fun initially when the kids are young, its always not palatable when they are off age because you start battling with 'how are we going to make new friends' 'are we going to like our new school and their way of studying' so may question and you too will start thinking of how to find a balance, its always pretty difficult, moving from house to house is no fun talk of moving from one country to the other.
but since you have chosen to stay because of your job, take good vacation with your man when you can, make sure you spend major festive period with him with that he'll not really feel it much, remember if you move you may not be lucky to get jobs @ every posts they move him to! and if you dont really care about your career u may move!
goodluck

HYBunny

lolng.blogspot.com said...

hiya

Eya Ayambem said...

Yes, there are many families like yours.

jahzmene said...

Exactly!u knew he is a military man b4 u got married 2 him so u shuld av expected dat he wuld muv arnd a lot....its nt uncommon 2 av such marriages,all u nid is God,patience n u nid tins 2 kip u busy apart 4rm ur kids n work aldo as a banker,ur already a busy pesin,av a close rltnshp wit God n ur husband,communicate effectively n b fun even tho he myt b far away...wen ur kids r on break n u cn take a leave n dere's enuf resources,go 2 him,lodge in a hotel,av fun wit ur kids n husband...kip ur marriage alive weda its distance or nt!above all lyk av sed,av a gud personal rltnshp wit God!all d best dear :)

Anonymous said...

Pls ask her very well. These women that marry into military wareva, do dey nt knw wassup b4 goin into it? Wen u were dating, who ws always paying visits? You I suppose. So u expected that to change? Welcome to d real world. I'm sowee if I sound insensitive bt I'm jst tired of hearing these young military wives bawl n nag.
Anyways, it is as DeeY said; find a focal point so ur kids hv a stable education; a place whr u both can call home n he comes on d wknds n so on. Some may want u to go live in their family house. Say NO to that! U hear me madam? He is a grown ass man, he shud get his OWN house n put his woman n kids in it.U get a job in that town n face ur kids. Also b steadfast in ur love for him n say it out too. In d end if BS happens u will b vindicated coz u played ur own part.

Anonymous said...

1ce u r marid 2 a military man, uv gt 2 choices, move every whre wit him or stay put in 1 state 2 gve ur family stability. If u r lucky, he ll get postd 2 ur state of residence. I attended 4 diff schls btw nursery n pry until I ws wiskd 2 a boardn house 4 my secondary educatn. Tank God u r workn, let ur kids dnt always feel uprootd nytyme u guys av 2 move. Tank God 4 GSM, ipod n d rest. U cn also av quality tyme durn breaks. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Easy, have a permanent base, go and visit ur husband when u can, or wen your kids r on holiday, he can do the same too, @ least visit when he can. We did not move everywhr my father was transferred to, we just went to stay with him during the holidays/festive period, and he would find tym to visit the fam for a week when he can.

Anonymous said...

it all boils down to patience and love

Share your US visa experiences here
usimmigrationdiary.blogspot.sg

Anonymous said...

I think the best thing is to set up base somewhere and call it home cos frankly speaking you can't keep moving all the time. Try to live with the fact that he's not going to be around all the time and make each moment/time spent together a memorable one.

http://sylviachima.blogspot.co.uk

Dr Grace Southall said...

Dear,most families are facing this situation.my husband is a sailor,i haven't seen my him in 2 years.I can't afford to move because I'm building my medical career as a doctor in Nigeria.I knew what I was going in for,yet its not an easy road especially with young children.There will be very bad days when all u can do is cry.They say men don't cry but my husband has cried many times for loneliness and missing us.Always communicate with him.Love will see you through.It won't be like this forever.Gods grace

Otobong Ekpe said...

My dear its very normal!As food as to be on the table!But not ne vertheless You and ure husband need to rily tlk!Most times His going to get rily lonely and he shldnt go and bring something from outside dat wld endanger his family!#just a word of advice!

Otobong Ekpe said...

Its very normal dear!U just have to sit ure husband down!Cos dere gonna be cold nite ahead,And he shouldn't bring home anything that wld endanger your life and the kids!#if u knw wot I min

missy said...

Ure marriage is normal...dis is d same situation in most marriages..like rig workers who myt be home 4 2wks n in d rig 4 3wks or bankers who r transferred or doctors who isn't always arnd....gud tin u have children n a job..dey'll kip u busy.dis is wen u nid to be steadfast,patient n prayerful..

Anonymous said...

It's common among oil field workers. They're hardly at home. Thank God for Skype :)

magnificient MO said...

Its normal,ur marriage is normal.my fiance is a military man,he was in lag b4 bt nw he's far away in d north nd he says dey r movin him 2 abj soon.my dad is a military man nd d same hapnd durin my mum's tym.jes kip prayin 4 him,dts d life of a military man.

Anonymous said...

These days couples don't discuss the important things before they eventually get married. You knew you were getting married to a millitary man. Why dint you guys discuss what life was gonna be like if u guys got married like how often he'll be around, the issue of moving from on state to the other, the issue of whether you should keep working or become a house wife so you lot can be together. I'm always insupport of a woman being independent to and getting a job inorder to support her husband. This is something you should discuss with your husband. You where probably discussing what kind of wedding dress you were gonna wear or the number of people to invite for the wedding instead of talking about the stuff that really matters. Wait till your husband gets back from wherever it is he went to and discuss this issue with him

Ameriestyle said...

Just keep praying
www.ameriestyle.com

Anonymous said...

You need to quit your job and start some thing else,because first you need time for your kids and also time to visit him.

Anonymous said...

A marriage, oft, is a trying experience...even when the going appears smooth, the next turn is something that is always unpredictable. Your marriage will surely stabilize and your ordeal now would be just a story....

Source: experience and www.notopoverty.com

Anonymous said...

Sister u better follow that man quick quick before u follow bank work and mess up ur home. Money is not everything. Men are vulnerable even wen u r there what more wen u r not and this is a soldier, hmnnn. I was told a story by my friend recently. My friends friend, refused to follow her husband to his place of posting and stayed back doing petty biz unfortunately now, there's a woman in her house not just girl fren ooo, it shall b well.

Anonymous said...

My dear sister dis is wot I am passing through but wot will I do nothing only look unto God for grace nd strienght he will see u through,and at list he told u befor getting married to you so pls be strong.

Anonymous said...

Thats the problem with marriage to military men. N to make matters worse u are a banker. It's not going to be easy I tell u except u get a more flexible job to afford u more time when he comes around or when u visit him. Married to a military man myself so I know a lot of people in ur shoes. Most end in divorce or separation n ur kids suffer the most. What most military wives do is find jobs or go into businesses that compliment their family life. It makes things a little easier. U Have to be ready to make sacrifices if u want to be married to a military man. The job is not easy. Stay strong

Anonymous said...

If u marry a military man den yes its normal,even if u resign,u can't b changing school4ur kids all d tym na!but dey always give dem liv na,a lot!but I know most will b a few days break,jus pray he's transfer bck2ur state of residence!pele

Anonymous said...

Don't worry.....Stay strong!......With time things will be ok

Anonymous said...

Your marriage is very normal,U̶̲̥̅̊ need 2 cope with ur husband job. Try and find d good side in d marriage,dat military for you.

Yemmie Oscar said...

Exactly! She ought to have dialogued it with him before their marriage.

Anonymous said...

To think that I crave to b an officers wife so much? With d way I love sex? After our weddin he will just strt going up n down! Wow! Hw I go handle this matter now?

Anonymous said...

Maybe there is another family and he likes living with them. You might just be the extra.

Anonymous said...

I always say that anyone married to a military person shouldn't complain. You have to be strong-willed to get into dat kind of marriage. So once you are in it, take whatever you see. All these transfers give them a lot of room to misbehave too. I live in d barracks so I know what I'm saying. So the decision is yours.

Anonymous said...

Sowi ok,just be patience

Anonymous said...

Be grateful u hv a family at least

Anonymous said...

Hi, I don't know which part of the world you reside in, but there are definitely a lot of families like you. If you google "military wives" you will find websites of people in similar situations that give each other emotional and moral support. There are loads of groups worldwide... I also support what Dee_deeY said.

Good-luck and stay strong

Anonymous said...

Sowi ok,just be patience

Anonymous said...

Sorry

Lanceslot Alanza said...

This is a critical issue. There will surely be temptation along the line but you got to be strong and patience at least for the sake of your children.

Anonymous said...

U knew he was a military man b4 u married him,so u'll have 2 bear d consequences,d lord is ur strength

Anonymous said...

you don't really have to move around you can settle down in an okay place had that type of life as a kid too it was cool and is a normal stuff in the military dont get scared

Anonymous said...

Patience dat's jst d word!

M.E.D said...

I guess u knew he was a military man b4 u got married and the way they live their lives......better stay strong and keep holding on cos u got urself into this or do u expect him to quit he's job?

Anonymous said...

Dialogue and find a lasting solution...

Anonymous said...

My sister, didn't u guys date?? U shud v known naw and made ur decision, I am a banker who once dated a military guy, when I saw how d tin was, I had to leave o, so since u decided to marry, u shud also decide to live with it and stop complaining, its d nature of their job!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry but you have to live with it. Its one of the sacrifices he has to make to keep the family going

Anonymous said...

Married to a military man. Girl u need extra strength. Ur leaving a normal officers wife live. Just hang on. He loves u doh neva around, ur alwys in his heart.

Anonymous said...

That was a mean suggestion. And you are not helping. If you have nothing nice to say, then you shouldn't say anything at all.

Anonymous said...

I luv guys in d force sha, esp navy.... Hope I get married 2 one.. Eyah stay strong. God will help u

Anonymous said...

yea mine is like that, 2weeks off 2weeks on.

Anonymous said...

Patience is the key now. Constant communication will help too .

I am,the NoSender. said...

I wonder at the type of counseling you got before saying, I do to Mr. Officer. Sometimes the lure of the military uniform can be so strong as to make a young lady miss the point. All told, I advise you keep coping because soon this will be all over. Its a matter of time especially if you can anchor in a particular location so that he comes to you instead of you always going to him. The downside both ways is if neither of you has any modicum of fidelity, then the marriage fit yakata. Hopefully, you will come up with a winning decision, so Cheer up.

Lolade said...

I used to be in such a situation too. Truth is, its not a good situation to be in. I know a lot of people keep saying its normal, but my dear, its NOT!!! God said about marriage: "two will become one" so ow do the 2 become 1 when they don't live together? You both have to decide on what's important to u. Is life together as a family important? I got to the point where I was ready to live my job and go anywhere with my husband. I'm a career woman too so I thot it may not be too difficult to get a job anywhere. At the end of the day, it's your choice.

Anonymous said...

So happy I dodged that bullet. Dated a military man, the nigga said I should be a housewife with my level of education because his mother was a housewife. They are not the best peeps to marry IMHO. They will never be faithful. Endurance is all you can do, after all you chose him. I am happily married now and loving every micro second with my husband. Please single ladies avoid them if you can, you will never be able to keep up with their promiscuity and the loneliness. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

too short a time to start complaining. You dated before the wedding.
Have been married for close to 15 years and yet to stay at home for 4 weeks at a stretch. I am offshore most times but always head home after my rotation.
We agreed my wife won't do formal work..this is helping.

Anonymous said...

Am in ur shoes dear! A banker and am married to a military officer. Its not easy. I leave in a town close to his base but we still don't see for weeks. Just Pray for ur hubby, pray for ur family.

Anonymous said...

My sister , am can advicing u now, marriage is better 4 worse, u ve started n by God grace u will end it well by oldage, whr evr ur husband posted to u can go n see him at least 3-4 days due to d permision ur boss given to u. Except u value u job than ur marriage, create time out of time to see ur husband. U can tell us dat in 3 months u can get at least 5 days to visit u husband. Dont lose ur marriage, manage ur job n ur marriage. Thanks

Anonymous said...

It's normal. It's the life of the life of a military man. NEXT!!

Anonymous said...

Linda weldon keep ignoring my. Post bcos am not ur boyfriend bonario,prince jobless n co. Long hiss,rubbish. Empress

Anonymous said...

Marry ur job nau. Olodo miss independent. Sebi u can't move.

Anonymous said...

You knew this I hOpe before marriage. Now you are in it, it is for better or for worse so llive with it. Even diplomats do it so it is normal for a few.

Sele said...

Lol I can imagine how it is. I am a military man, our job takes us away from our loved ones for long periods of time. from ur writeup he is in Nigeria. some wives are worse off because some of us are always outside. pls give him all the support u can now so he doesnt stray. when he becomes more advanced in rank u will get tired of him being around. meanwhile u guys can work out meetings.

Anonymous said...

My dear dats a military's man normal work. ur marriage is secured ok all u have to do is jst to undstnd him and I bet u u'll neva regret. Am also married to 1. Linda post ma comment oh

Anonymous said...

U no well....lmaooooo

Anonymous said...

My dear it is normal oooo just keep talking to him every day and tell him how much u love him.....my marriage is like yours I met my husband online I'm in London and his in Nigeria but we talked everyday on phone and Skype b4 we met in person the rest is story he can not leave his job in Nigeria to come and live in London me too i have very good job so we both have understanding we have two kids just love him and trust him and put ur marriage to God .....call him in the morning ...afternoon b4 he gos to bed and pray with him on phone everyday make It feel as if u both r in the same house may God bless ur marriage .....

Damideee said...

my mum has been married to my dad who is in the Navy for 24 years now. it has worked for them(4 amazing kids raised in Lagos) while my dad did lots of travelling/transfers we would go visit him on holidays and then every opportunity he got back then he'll come over. Thats just the nature of the Job and i'm surprised you weren't aware before you committed.my dad is already a really senior officer now and he lives in Kaduna while mum lives/works in Lagos,3 of the kids are abroad for school. i guess she's used to it already.tbh... it might take a while but i know its do-able. my parents are proof and they are still Happily married. Best Wishes..

Anonymous said...

God have mercy on U!!!

Anonymous said...

I am about to say I DO to a military guy,and we both agreed to have a base here in Lagos cos of my Job and be interchanging visits every weekend, i know it cant go on like that forever but we'll always find a way around it. I know what am going into and if it doesnt go well with me anymore,i'll resign and go into business to stay with my man, u can do the same too..all da best

Anonymous said...

Dis is d best advice so far,to add up to dis,my dear be very prayerful too,and ur marriage is very normal.my elder sister is married to a military man and she is facin same tin,well she is used to it cos our dad was a military man,I can speak hausa so well,I can speak yoruba,my language which is Ibibio(akwa ibom) and igbo.so stay strong sis its well. Imaobong Mfon

missy said...

*aren't

Anonymous said...

Its normal with military personnels, talking frm experience... It doesn't min he has any other family

Anonymous said...

Take ur negativity elsewhere. Onye ashiri.

SOULJACHIC said...

I really don't know much about marriage cos I'm still young but I can tell you that listening to negative comments will ruin the marriage. A wife should always be patient and understanding. These virtues are priceless. Your marriage is normal.

Hey guys! Visit my blog at rantsandissues.blogspot.com for daily rants and issues! Mwah. Linda post this oh...I'm a JJC on blogger.

Anonymous said...

It is normal for families of military men, bankers and senior executives. So, just relax and enjoy his absence. Use the period of absence to plan honeymoon jolly jolly. THe only probs is that if he is a philanderer, he probably has something he is hitting when he is away from home like most Naija lost souls. When I was separated from my hubby, it was a time to have romance like we were dating. We built momentum to the day when he'd return and spend all the time in jolly jolly world.

Anonymous said...

Urs Ȋ̝̊̅§ beta.atleast U̶̲̥̅̊ get τ̲̅ọ̥ stay wit ur kids. My mum n dad r para- military officers n get transferred anyow. Had τ̲̅ọ̥ av someone stay wit us all d tym. When Ȋ̝̊̅ was 18 yrs old,M♈̷̴̩‎ dad was transferred τ̲̅ọ̥ bayelsa n mum τ̲̅ọ̥ kogi. Ȋ̝̊̅ became ǎ̜̣̍ mother τ̲̅ọ̥ M♈̷̴̩‎ 4 siblings. S̴̩☺ M♈̷̴̩‎ dear lady,be strong Ƒo̲̣̥Ʀ ur children n husband too. It's not easy but wit God,U̶̲̥̅̊ will scale thru.

Anonymous said...

U for go dey service am na. Didirin! Just ensure say you don tell your bye bye b4 you start. He wan service military man wife? Eni-n-waku.

KSUOLOFOFO said...

My Dear,You have a better marriage...Just keep you head up..You can stay back and he can come and visit at times..He needs your help

sonia said...

It is VERY normal, my dad is in the military. You just have to accept it because that is the military marriage/family lifestyle.

krey paula said...

Smh... Mumu oshi

Anonymous said...

I guess ur havin a bad marriage, why d negative tot, u want to make her more woRried. Soldiers are being transferd from one city to d oda. Madam pls ur. Marriage is normal, dats an active soldiers life for u, I hav one as a nebo his wife a 22yrs old hausa girl is very okay while. Her husb keeps goin travelin and goin higher in ranks

Jade said...

No its not normal,so divorce him!Yes its normal stay put! Please woman sort your life out. Linda pls give us relevant stories not no-brainers like this.

Anonymous said...

What kind of stupid question is this? Didn't you know he was in the military before marrying him? That is the life of the military ALL OVER THE WORLD. And always moving round is not an option until your kids go off to boarding school, if you like then you can quit your job and follow him about.... And when you do that you go hear am cause you only really get financially comfortable in the military when you become a senior officer, and even at that, your hubby has to be a hustler for d cash to be flowing like that, so my advise to you.... Keep your job. Mtchew abeg dont be wasting space on LIB asking questions that have obvious answers... Is my marriage normal?Mtchewww, you must have crawled out from under a rock not to know that that is how military marriages are. I'll advise you to get your priorities straight, focus on your marriage and stop making it seem as if you have a problem because you dont, him not being there is part of the package. Next thing now you'll start cheating and say its because your husband is never around. Mtchewww..... Better suck it up and stop complaining about stuff you knew about and still went ahead to marry him..... Linda make you dey post genuine problems abeg.... Not unserious stuff like this.

NK said...

God blind eyes ke,he's near or far,he cheats,military men trademark 4 u.U hv a job and kids,tkia of dem and kip u self busy wit church activities so as 2 aviod agro

Anonymous said...

My fellow military wife, it's a normal ting. Just thank God for his blessings n always remember to pray for him.
The military profession is the sometin all over n dats why military wives are well respected at list in the military circle. Shey u have bin married for 4yrs n u av a kid / kids even wit the situation, we av bin in it for six years now n no kids yet n right now he is in maiduguri fighting Boko haram while I'm in lag.
What do u say to dat? We've not lived 2geta for more than 2months. It's not easy I must say but ud have to be strong.
Moving all around wit dem is not even adviceable bcos it doesn't garantee anytin. Happiness is a choice n if u believe dat God is in control of ur every step den, just take strength 4rm dat.
Thou I must say that being a banker too might not play to ur advantage cos it's a stressful n time consuming one. Just hang in der n take very day as it comes.

Anonymous said...

U re totally and completely insane. Do something abt it. Inugo? Asshole!

Anonymous said...

My dear sista,it is well.I am always married to a military man and so It is lyk dat but wat I do is dat I do biz instead of office works so dat I can always go visit him cos he might not always b chanced 2 cum visiting us so I do most of d visiting so we are based in Ibadan and he has bin transfered 2 PH so ur marriage is very very normal.We av a lot of dem here in d barracks where we live so just put ur mind @ rest.Always put everytin in d hands of God cos HE has always bin der 4 me and He will also do same 4 U.Pls don't let pple misguide U concernin ur marriage and don't engage in xtra marital affairs please.It is well my sista.

funkiedoc said...

Its normal mah dea. I'm servin in a military hosp. Almost ol their wives re alone,while their hubbies workn elsewhere.jst be patient,wit tym wen he retires,u wl ol be 2geda. Bt u shld hv tot bout ol dis b4 goin into d marriage.

O.S horlabyC said...

See comment o, wo ,lady ,na so military men b jare,just endure abeg.olz well

Anonymous said...

Ehen so she shud carry d children n be following him around abi? Do u knw hw dull kids become without a stable education? Forget being gifted, if d child dsnt stay whr d talent cn b honed its all a waste.
N there is no guaranty he wnt keep/see oda women if she follows him around. Man na man, his heart mind n head will lv u; but dat manhood....its on it own o. Its jst d grace of God.

Anonymous said...

Girly it is very normal, I am a military woman married to a civilian, he understands the nature of my job and we have worked it out, but it is not easy with a bank job. So try and work things out with him. It is even better that he the man is the one that is in the military, bcos he can take pass once in a month to see you.

Anonymous said...

@tara,u sound like one of d pple wit real problems

Anonymous said...

tell her oh. i dey laugh too. she wan be NAOWA and NAFOWA and NOWA ha ha ha u see yaself...

Anonymous said...

this's a fundamental issue whch hv been sorted out initially. U hv 2 options, leave yr job and ready to move wth him or be ready to accept 2 wife or accidental discharge!

Anonymous said...

Please just divorce am and move on.. wdf... since 2008... what kind of a military job he carry.. i was in the military and always will have months to go home to family... he is married to another woman...sit down there maybe ur hair turn grey before u know the time!!!!!!Linda u better approve this message..

Anonymous said...

finasteride no prescription propecia online in australia - propecia side effects anger

henry okoye said...

Hello dear sorry to disappoint you, have to tell you this ur wrong, u talked of indipendence and not lossing ur job, i have a solution for you, 1, you can loose ur job to be with ur husband if you have an inch love for him and if had wanted to be under a man, well you have an answer to your question.