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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Dear LIB readers: is it OK for young married couples to have separate bedrooms?

From a female LIB reader
My marriage is 4 years old and lately, I've been considering moving into another room. Of course there are reasons for this however, there are two things stopping me:
1. My parents have been married for 40 years and have never had different bedrooms. They've had their issues and probably still do but every time you enter their room, you find them gisting away. Somehow, I think not splitting rooms has kinda helped their friendship over the years.
2. In marriage class, we were taught that it is best for couples at all stages in marriage to share a room and that the smaller the bed, the better. That way, no matter how upset you are with each other, you must see each other and remain in close proximity till the issue is sorted.
I would like my own sanctuary where I can stay and cool off and just BE but I'm afraid that we could slowly drift apart and become like the average married couple who only see and speak when necessary or when it concerns the kids. I would really like to know what people's experiences are.

96 comments:

★★PRINCE CHARMING™★★ said...

Marriage is about accommodating and understanding, you don't need your own space, a closer proximity brings about closer and more intimate connection between married folks. I can't have my wife stay in a different room, and then under the bed sheet apology stunts fixes a lot of quarrels if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

My dear, I dnt advc u split away, stayin apart calls for so mch negatvity dt myt break a home

Anonymous said...

I'll advise u to keep sharing a room with ur husband, it is still very early to take a separate room.
Mind some men are too randy, and the slightest oportunity u give them, they'll look outside for comfort.

Michael Brown said...

I am not married, but my parents have been happily married for over 32 years and they have separate rooms. Sometimes couples just need a little extra space to keep their stuff and take a breather. One thing is for sure, my dad always wakes up in my mother's room so you shouldn't worry about it too much. Wishing you the best

Anonymous said...

Even if you are living in a duplex share the same room with your hubby.

krey paula said...

My dear... Its. Nt necessary buh u shud hv ur room whr ur stuffs are parkd.. If u wnt 2 chill out u go 2 d room... Buh alwys spnd d 9t in ur hubby's room... 4 beta 4 worse til death do u part

Anonymous said...

Why asked questions you already have "OBVIOUS" answers to? Having a separate bedroom is not in anyway advisable pls especially for a marriage as young as yours. When kids are involved later in your marriage, u can go to their rooms to cool off of "BE" like u said, but not to stay. You are lucky to have your parents set this example for You, so follow!
LIZ

Anonymous said...

Funny how U mention only the reasons why U consider staying in the same bedroom and not why I are considering staying in separate bedrooms. Anyways I think it depends on U, in my marriage I stay in a separate room and dats because I've always been a private person who likes being left alone with his thoughts, even my wife understands even though she doesn't always agree.So whatever reason U have, make sure its justifiable.

BLOGLORD said...

what's that?
the wife can have a bedroom where she keeps her clothing and all her feminine stuff; not for anything but for her dresses, shoes and accessories to have enough room but NEVER for SLEEPING!...well except hubby travels or sumfn.
OTHERWISE she sleeps in the same bedroom with her husband. 247, 365days.

Sorem said...

pls dnt slip in a diff room coz u ll mis out on d very lil buh amazing n impt tins dat ll kip u 2geda.

DISCOVER THE SECRET OF LOSSING WEIGHT AND BURNING TOMMY FAT CLICK HERE said...

no

Anonymous said...

I tink sharing on bedroom and lying on d same bed make tins beta

TIRED OF UGLY FAT? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO BURN OUT STUBBORN FAT said...

it not ok my dear

Anonymous said...

Your parent should be a perfect example to you lady. I wonder where you ever got the idea of having a seperate room from your husband.

Anonymous said...

If u want to lose ur husband, go ahead

Anonymous said...

It seems u already answered your question yourself.different bedrooms,very bad idea, the smaller the bed the better.

Anonymous said...

If u want to lose ur husband, go ahead

Anonymous said...

Pls ma dear, use ur hands to destroy ur marriage. Its allwd. Give him as much space as possible n den u'l wake up one to ask urslf if ds ws d man u married.

Yemmie Oscar said...

You've said it already

Cute G said...

Hell No!!!U have already answered the Question urself.Stick to ur 2 reasons.

Anonymous said...

My dear dere's noting wrong wit it. I'm 3yrs in marriage goin to 4 and we av av seperate rooms. Dat doesn't stop us from spending quality time together. I sleep in his room smtimes n vice versa 4 him. I just love my space n privacy as a woman which is y I came up wit d idea of seperate rooms and he was ok wit it. I dnt wnt to get in his space n he wouldn't wnt to get in mine. We av dat understanding n we live very happy together. He has his tv, I av mine, so we can watch wotever we want to witout any problem. While ma 2kids watch deir cartoon in d sitting room. Wit me avin ma room I feel comfortable n put ma tins wherever I wnt to put dem. So ma dear notin is wrong wit dat.

Anonymous said...

women are annoying so get separate rooms or you might strangle her in her sleep.

And who asked you to get married? Bad move borne out of bad advise.
When you see how fake she is you will regret your life.

now i can go and puke....

Anonymous said...

Move out and let me move into his room please .mtchewww mumu

fisky said...

i think sharing a room as a couple is the best. i really don't have any experience but i have seen so many couples,e.g my parents, they've been sharing a room for 19 years now and it has made their relationship stronger, they are like *best friends forever*
my advise *share a room*#winks#

Ameriestyle said...

There's nothing wrong with having seperate rooms provided you guys sleep together in the same room every night
www.ameriestyle.com

fly guy said...

Methinks it boils down 2 d individual,some peeps are still shy sometimes and someone like me would like 2 scratch my butt and fart without offending anyone,if u own ur house,try staying in d room nxt 2 him and put a door in d wall dat divides both rooms,u could leave d door open atimes,u could easily walk into each other's rooms,gist thru d door sef without necessarily leaving ur room,but still have ur space,petty things like snoring and being untidy can cause frictions in marriages

mona said...

E get some kind lib questions weh no dey gree me answer tho, ahn ahn! Young couple in seperate rooms noni? Hian! See linda u betta post my comment o if not I go comot d ji for ur surname

Anonymous said...

I've been married for 20yrs plus now. Never wanted to have a separate room, but my husband insisted. Now we're world apart. Everyone minding their. Discuss once in a while but there's no longer any love. Where just like roomates. So my advice, don't have separate rooms. If u do, love will cool off no sooner than later.

Anonymous said...

Its nt appropriate2 stay in diff rums coz cReat distanc even u guys ar 2geda.

Anonymous said...

Darling,its better 2 share a room nd a bed with ur hubby otherwise u wud become strangers,trust me,u dnt want 2 experience dat,its wats affecting me in my r/ship now.its like we'r tolerating each other instead of being head over heels wt each other.Pls do everytin possible 2 remain friends,dats where ur happiness wud always spring from...Stephy says so!!

Anonymous said...

My dear, U better stay in d same room with ur husband or stand the chance to loosing ur husband to that room nd anoda woman.staying in one room will make both of you united. LINCHUK.

Anonymous said...

Remain in d same room.

Anonymous said...

My dear stay in the same room with your husband,he is your husband and trust me sharing the same room does a lot for couples..My own parents have also been married for 33years and they've never had different rooms..No matter their fights,They wake up the next day talking and smiling! Your marriage is still very Young,if you need some alone time sometimes you can go out,maybe to a quiet/Lonely Lounge or something to cool off..Please don't get another room,share a room with your husband it helps couples to bond a great deal.Goodluck and God bless

PRETTY GIRL

bitchplis said...

So u'l have to go n knock if u wanto fuck?oshisco

Anonymous said...

My dea I dnt lik de idea of seprat rooms cos wen ever I had issues wit my huby we end up holdn each oda lat in d nit. lik dat in d morgn we will solv d issues so my 1 room is enuf 4 u guys.

Anonymous said...

My dea I dnt lik de idea of seprat rooms cos wen ever I had issues wit my huby we end up holdn each oda lat in d nit. lik dat in d morgn we will solv d issues so my 1 room is enuf 4 u guys.

Anonymous said...

Honestly,I would have loved to split rooms wt my husband tey tey,cos my husband can snore for Africa....he snores like a lorry....I split rooms wt him for 3days buh I didn't like d result at al...we talked less,den i dint want it to be apparent dt weneva I went to d room,it ws becos of sex....so in d end I had to endure d snore...buh lately,I dnt even hear d snores anymore....sweetheart,its not good to split rooms at al,it weakens d bond n gradually removes intimacy....weneva u want a quiet environment n wanto keep to urself,get into ur car n drive to a park or resort centre....sleep with ur man always...it helps.

Anonymous said...

Lmao!!! You mean like room service?


****Twizzy****

Anonymous said...

It is not okay at all. My ex hubby's fam was very fetish. The day I found a dead snake in oil in a bottle was when I ran. Something is not right and u need to address it sooner than later

Anonymous said...

I and my hubby have separate rooms but we sleep on his bed every single day,I do almost everything in his room,like watching tv there inshut I leave there I just only go 2 my room when I want to bath and dress up

Anonymous said...

my parents have been married for 24 years. they have their separate rooms with connecting doors. They have never separated or gotten divorced. you can have your privacy and still decide to share your husbands room when you guys want. My dad is still always in my mums room and vise versa.

reca said...

House, look @ it dis way. Ur wife just gave birth to a baby no 2 (1 week old). No 1 baby is say 3yrs old. You live in a 3 bedroom aprtmnt. Nw, r u sayin me & my wife shld stil share same bedroom? Considerin d fact dat d baby wakes up in d middle of d nite to cry & therefor disrupts our sleep both. Mind u, I av to be @ work d next morning. I kno u may say ~so does my wife! But she is on maternity leav rememba. So she can afford to take her rest later in d day. But me, I can't! Nw, Wldnt it beta, if she slept in 1 of d rooms wit d kids (especially wit d new baby). whil I sleep alone in d oda?

Anonymous said...

My dear whn u got married u gv up d 'I' 4 'we' d 'me' 4 'us' nd ur so calld privacy 4 companionship.

Anonymous said...

I guess u didn't see the part where linda wrote"from a female LIBer"

Pearl said...

My dear,don't try it...my hubby likes to be on his own,n that gives him d opportunity to ping n lol wt gfrnds...rubbish!!stay in dat room n sleep,even wen u guys have a quarel,no wahala face d wall,buh still on d same bed!!shikena!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but the fact you're considering separate rooms may mean you guys are already like the couples you mentioned. Try to obtain counseling. If that doesn't work and childten are involved this msy be the best option to avoid severe altercations which might include physical violence. In marriage you must protect your emotional health. Do what's best for your mind if there's no spousal support to maintain. Life is too short!

Anonymous said...

U can have ur own room,but it is only meant for ur clothes and other things like jeweries and shoes.I have my personal room but I have never slept in the room,u can play with ur hubby in the room sometimes if u know what I mean wink.BUt never sleep alone in the rm

Jeny-alorah said...

am not married thou...buh in al sincerity, il like 2 hav my personal space for some kinda moments...il like to hav my own room.

Anonymous said...

Linda please publish this message I have been married for three and half year now but know issue because my hubby have low sperm count'I have done Ivf and taken local and foreign drugs, iam 35 years and worried.pls I need encouragement from those who have pass through my situation and come out successful.

El Maximilliano said...

Some of these LIBers need terry G to knack dem Akpako first before they start thinking... Sometimes advising on some issues is like asking a vulture to visit the barber's shop..

somadina obi said...

I'm a kinda person that Values my privacy..nd quiet times....Heaven knows I can't share a room wif my wife when I get married, #justsaying....crosses legs, ...picks tooth

Anonymous said...

Bonario aint got a clue to this, he is too deep into Vaseline tinz.

bitchplis said...

Pls don't go n puke,go n commit suicide.ode

babe said...

Depends on how many rooms you have in the house.
If all you need is space to be in your own, that's fine, u can get that space by locking yourself in the toilet from time to time.

Also you can turn a room to a study room. Where there will be just bookshelves and a table and chair. No couch (Cos one might be tempted to slp on it)

Its never advisable to get seperate bedrooms. If gives room for secrets.
All the best with your marriage

Adekunle Kazeem said...

My dear, you have clues to the answer already. You are both one united body and drifting away by sleeping differently is like not have breakfast and dinner together because those are few pleasure time you have together.
discover secrets to losing some weight and eating healthy

Anonymous said...

My husband and I sleep in different rooms because my husband snores and its disturbing plus we just had a baby and the baby sleeps on the bed so picture a snoring husband and crying baby....sorry I cant have both

Adekunle Kazeem said...

Different perception for different folks. I can't get hurt or pain by the sounds my baby crying. Is your choice and idea. Go for it.

Anonymous said...

Well I feel ur state of mind,sometimes one can just be a "loner"..state where u just want to be alone even away from your best pally but with marriage here you just have to accept you can't have that luxury again.Its for the best dear.

Anonymous said...

i think its best you share a room with your husband but you may have a room with your own stuff and spend time there but sleep in same room with your hubby

Anonymous said...

Hey, I feel you on the need for your own space. Instead of getting your own bedroom get a study or workspace

Anonymous said...

my dear I am in dat predicament now and i am now fed up as i don't love my husband anymore i don't even like his presence , so i advise u have another room to read in and study in but not to sleep in

Ruth Fagbe said...

Plz remain in d same room,it helps a lot.....my hubby n I share 1 room,even if we quarrel we still slp on 1 bed it helps us settle our diff under d sheets *winks*
Lik serzly,wot do u need ur space 4? If ur hubby starts askin 4 his space will u lik it?? Plz plz n plz stay put in a room,it'll draw u guys closer!

Chikaka said...

At your peril.

Anonymous said...

"Wrong Move"
Wateva privacy u may desire u re goin to ve to
find a way of gettn it witout movin into another room..Plus, women always wnt to no evrytin,and men are bcomin as curious.Who knows d kind of tots dat wld run thru his knowin his wife wnts a seperate room?Like u said,Wrong Move

Anonymous said...

Ur marriage is still too young plss stay in 1 room!!!!

Anonymous said...

Madam,you can't have your own room,I go to some house and see this type of thing,but I don't think is the best idea,when you start staying in a separate room you two start becoming strangers, and you start buiding hatred for each other so I not a good idea.Sandra says so gbam.

Cheechee Abang said...

sweetheart it aint ok..if u wanna have a room with your personal stuff maybe as a closet then fine but at the end of the day go back to your matrimonial bed.i get it when u say you wnt ur space cos ive felt that way but if u can make your personal space in the room you share and if u cnt then always come back to that room when its time for bed,that way you still have time to communicate.my opinion.
http://www.styleexplicit.blogspot.com

Fearless! said...

You already have your answers,so why are u bugging us? (˘̯˘ )

I also don't feel its right for couples to have seperate rooms!

Fearless! said...

*a couple

Fearless! said...

Abi!

My thots exactly!

Anonymous said...

Depends on you, my parents have different rooms, but my mum sleeps in my dad's room. And till today they love each other and no problem. I just think it depends on u, u can have different rooms but u sleep with ur husband.

Anonymous said...

My parents have been married for 27 years, In the city they have different rooms and toilets, while in the village they have different rooms but 1 toilet.but with doors connecting both of them. All i know is that my mum never sleeps in her room unless she needs a quiet time to her self, only in my dads. So it depends on you, u can have separate rooms, but still sleep together. Just ur clothes in the other room.

Rubynnia said...

I used to believe that the idea of separate rooms were a man's thinking but reading this mail from a woman and other female comments thus far, I marvel!

I for one never liked the idea of separate rooms; my parents have separate rooms but one of my siblings and I don't like the idea. The eldest(a guy) has copied our parents in having a separate room too.

If my hubby needs some me time and privacy, he should have a STUDY ROOM for that; that room is out of bounds for me except he wants me there. For sleeping, we sleep together in a single room.

You can have your privacy in any other place in the house but please don't get a separate room.

For the man whose wife is currently nursing a baby, separate rooms at this time is understandable but please when the nursing is over, you both should continue your room sharing.

GLAM ME PRO said...

You are on point. I m married with two kids and my hubby started d idea of us all sleeping together on same bed. We share same room and bed with our children and we have plenty rooms in d house,it only makes d relationship stronger. Once u stay in separate rooms u both would start doing things that would be so uncalled for. U may start talking to other men on phone while u r hubby stays in his and jerk off on another woman's picture of her p*ssy or even have phone sex. It's bad already that men are not to b held but creating that separate room is is giving him license and making u a flat mate and not an item or couples. Togetherness would make u know each other better. Woteva works for u though all d best.

Anonymous said...

Go and sleep! Dry thing

Anonymous said...

Am not married yet but I know is good for couple to sleep together.I can remember when we were little,my parents will have issue and my mum would want to sleep in our room,we do chase her back to her room cos I can't imagine sleeping on the floor.But now,they sleep separately cos my mum is having issues with her hand(she had an accident dat affected her hand) so she needs space.

Anonymous said...

So u r how old?

juliet igboekwe said...

you should not even think nor consider it. i am guessing that was the real reason why couples are asked to attend marriage classes so please forget it. it is wrong

Anonymous said...

My hubby and I sleep in the same room. We do not share it as people call it cos it belongs to the two of us. We own the room. We changed our bed and got something smaller, so now, whenever there is a fight between us, we know that we'll just have to face the truth moment in bed, no sleeping in the living room or guest room, just on our small bed! It has done wonders for our friendship and relationship as husband and wife. Just holding and cuddling each other and being naked without sex sometimes is very therapeutic. You need to be in the same room! If u need privacy, please go to a spa to have a massage or facials or something. There are numerous clever ways the devil becomes a host in ones marriage. Avoid it!

Anonymous said...

If you are shy of farting while your husband is there then you have a problem..I can pooop on my boyfriends head if he allows me..being shy is not an option for some1 that with some1 that'l still have sex with u all your life..

IfyCynthetic said...

My dear, if you cannot cool off in the bedroom you share with your husband then I dunno where you can cool off again.

My parents hv been married for over 35yrs, dey hv issues yet dey settle it. You name it: they've had it all. Yet love and understanding reigns. Thanks to my mom.
It's the woman dat holds the home. If you get your own room. You are gradually creating an avenue for your home to scatter little by little.
This is what tires me in marriages these days. My dear, it's your husband ooo not your boyfriend. Better be wise.

Anonymous said...

Please don't do it. It will never make your relationship stronger. Been married for about 20 years. My first wife brought up this idea and pushed until she had her way. 17 years later, I am a polygamist married to three women. We do nothing together anymore. We live in different cities now. I know she would have left me by now but for the children who are entering uni one by one and the allowance monthly. Secondly, pleaser check that you still MADLY love your husband and what happens just before you start craving for this PRIVACY. Then avoid such situation.

George tope said...

The Google Fact™ ‏@thegooglefact 20 May

Sleeping next to someone you love makes falling asleep easier, reduces depression risk & helps you live longer.
Expand

George tope said...

The Google Fact™ ‏@thegooglefact 20 May

Sleeping next to someone you love makes falling asleep easier, reduces depression risk & helps you live longer.

Anonymous said...

My parents have separate rooms, but not for the reasons you think. One, my mum has like a billion clothes. God, women and clothes. Two, she has loads of ... well ... stuff! My dad was in the military and he adores a room that is neatly arranged and less cluttered. My mum is also doing her phD, so she stays in her room to type her ish.

However, when night comes, the woman will run to her husband's room pronto. In fact, my younger brother uses her room more than she does. She only goes there for clothes and work.

I understand why they have separate rooms, especially as she got this room when I was like 17 or 18. I remember my dad used to complain about all her stuff in our old house, and when he built a new house and we moved there, he ensured he built a room specially for her.

You're married for - what - 4 years? Your marriage is barely out of its diapers and you want to put this wall between both of you. Even the reasons you give don't seem to make a lot of sense to me. You want to be YOU. What does that mean? What, you can't be YOU in your husband's room?

Anyways, it's all on you.

As for me, when I get married to my wife, no separate rooms until maturity has set into our marriage.

You wanna be YOU. Lol give me a break.

Chucks

Anonymous said...

One comment says if he has a new baby and has to go to work in the morning, the crying baby wouuld wake him up,he would prefer the wife in another bedroom! How selfish! I nursed my baby throughout in the same room while my husband slept. He snores too but i have a room for my weaves, shoes, bags and extra clothes but there is no bed in there. We sleep on the same bed no matter the circumstance, and we make up faster. You can move your stuff to another room and have a chaise lounge in there but not a bed. Ensure you sleep in the same room every night. Just go to yours to chill and have alone time like you want. Good luck.

Jade said...

I luv my personal space too. Maybe u could have a cool off room but don't make it a habit to always spend too much time there. My advice? Don't make it too comfortable,mayb a lovesit or a teeny tiny bed.

Anonymous said...

You have answered the question and you are still asking. Sanctuary ko, cool off ni

ama williams said...

Are my eyes paining me? Or did I read u saying u share the same room and bed with ur hubby and children? Hian! Seriously? That's not cool. Your children should have their own room/rooms.

Anonymous said...

Seperate room? At what point to you then switch to your own room? After sex or before?

Pls same room i'd advice. Let the second room be a closet..

Anonymous said...

PLS LINDA SEPARATE ROOM IS NECESSARY OOOOOOOO BEFORE IN-LAWS AND COUSINS USE UR ROOM AS A PLACE TO SEE THEIR SISTER, AND UR PRIVACY IS JEOPADIZED.

GLAM ME PRO said...

@ Ama u r eyes dey pain you pepper enter am ni?... yes we all sleep on ONE big bed together. They will get there bed wen d time comes cos they re still small but for now yes and we are happy.. Thank u

Anonymous said...

if i were in your shoes i would want things to get better and not worsen so i would share the same bed. u will eventually let go of any built up anger bcoz u will have no choice but to make up. there are going ups and downs but its the way u handle your down times that makes ur union much stronger

Kingsley Ononiwu said...

my dear leave it for a minute someone else takes it for five minutes...
Stay in ther sister!!!

Eze Chukwumereze said...

E be like say you want your househelp to take over

Anonymous said...

I dont understand people that are saying sleeping in separate rooms will drive your husband to polygamy and other women. How do we always end up at this "Men lack the capacity for self discipline and are basically savage dogs" argument?

My husband and I went to college together and we lived in separate halls but we were always together and often slept over at each others' place. After 3 years of dating he proposed. We have separate rooms now but really its just so we can avoid the little things that make roommates want to kill each other. He is always in my room and we have no problems with our marriage. If you and your husband have a good relationship a wall cant ruin that.