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Friday 30 September 2011

Dear LIB Readers: My Boyfriend wants me to get pregnant before proposing

My boyfriend of over two years just told me that for him to propose marriage to me; I have to get pregnant first. I wasn’t brought up that way, and I never wanted to be a pregnant bride. I have tried to convince him for us to get married first before pregnancy but he is insistent. I almost feel like telling him to go to hell, but I am in late twenties. I really hate that a man is giving me this condition before marriage.

161 comments:

seal said...

Its a Sad development! We live in a World of sexual and moral decadence. My advice to her is to stand her ground, no pregnancy before marriage. If he appreciates her that much he'll succumb. If not, Life goes on!

Anonymous said...

wow... well this isnt the full story...maybe he knos she has had many abortions and just wants to kno all is well...lol

Anonymous said...

if you are in your late 20's then get pregnant nah. Like people care if its post-paid or pre-paid

Marc said...

It isn't more about the way you were brought than it is about the morality of his demand. So what if you are into your late twenties? There is more to you as a woman than your ability to carry a child in your womb. I am a man and believe me, if you give in now you will end up an instrument or a tool which he uses to service his needs and once he is satisfied, you will become redundant to him. This not a needed sacrifice that we all crave in a relationship but rather an unnecessary compromise that is sure to bring you pain and regret if you give in. Rather than think about your age and how time is running out, pray and believe you are in God's perfect timing for you, set your heart on His word and put Him first. Then a man that is deserving of a woman as beautiful and wonderful as you will appreciate you for who you are: a beautiful woman made for love and loving and not just a baby-making machine. God bless you.

Ejyk said...

If yu allow him to hav his way gurlfwend...,then b prepared cos the marriage wil surely b a master n a slave type of marriage n yu wil surely b The slave...

Yemi said...

I suggest you don't do it. The way I see it is that he is only marrying for children and not real love. If he doubts your fertility, let the two of you go to a good doctor and get yourselves checked. There are tests to show whether a woman is fertile and whether a man can even get a woman pregnant. What if he is just using this as an excuse to sleep with you without protection? I have heard countless stories of women thinking the man wants to marry them only for them to leave when he finds out she is pregnant, even though he said he wanted to have children with her. If you are going to go ahead with his "condition" be very, very, very sure that he intends to marry you.

Anonymous said...

And what happens if u dont get pregnant after giving him free sex day and night? He tosses u aside and look for another who will get preg for him rite? U beta wish up, do the right thing by praying and trusting God for your right partner.
ME

devour said...

if you guyz have been fornicating,wats d big deal den abt being a pregnant bribe ?

Anonymous said...

Better run.
This is the kind of man that will marry a second wife if you don't have a male child.
What happens if you have a miscarriage?
I am a man but i find such men disgusting.
Your boyfriend is a shame to manhood.
He should go to the village and find his type.

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahaha,typical nigeria man.

Anonymous said...

confirm Yoruba boy.. This is the tradition.. you do have the option to walk away...

Editor said...

Well, it is not a new thing these days. I don't know why many men tell their women to get pregnant before proposing or even wedding. What are they scared of?
They only think of themselves. What about if you get pregnant and he changes his mind? My dear, pls think well ...

aw said...

Okay firstly, Linda this is for you: I just wanted to say I read your blog daily. I check at least 2ce a day. I do not agree with everything you say or write but this is an interesting blog. The most interesting. And i just wanted to commend you on this. God bless

Now, to the lady in question. Hi, how are you? i just got out of a 2 year relationship, myself. It was heading towards marriage but then I realised he wasn't my God-ordained partner. If a man is asking you to do such, please put him in his place and refuse. If he doesn't come to his senses, he is not the one God ordained for you. What nonsense? You never know someone's intentions. Supposing you get pregnant and he still does not propose and you end up breaking up? You'll be left single and now with a baby. Further hindering your chances of getting with someone else. you say you're in your late 20s. Do not let that make you desperate for marriage. The wedding is not the finish line. The finish line is doing it RIGHT! I understand that he may just want to ensure that you are fertile. In that case, the two of you go for fertility tests. And let the doctor's tell you but that is as far as you should go. (Please also test him, he may be using this as a medium to hide his infertility). You are not meant to even indulge in premarital sex. Marriage should be holy and undefiled. It was God's creation. Do not defile the alter by going there with fornication or babies. PLEASE! I beg you. Listen to GOD! Do not do what this guy says. Tell him and hear what he says. If he insists, please leave him and move on. Anyone that demands for sex before marriage, is trouble. Even worse, demanding for pregnancy. GOD FORBID! SHUT HIM DOWN! Where does he think you're from? I'm sorry to say, but such a man is useless and is bad news. You may regret marrying him, if you do. Good luck and God guide you. x x

Editor said...

Pls think well before you act. These days, many men ask their women to get pregnant first for reasons best known to them.

Yemi said...

Besides, why should he make you compromise your values for his own selfish desires. For the fact that he is giving you a condition, and not really considering you're own perspective on this issue should say something. Don't think that because you're in your late twenties that you will never find another man if you don't succumb to his condition? That doesn't mean you should leave him because of this o! I did not say so. Just be sure he will marry you once you are pregnant, ok?

SOLA said...

This can't be love!
The foundation of "your home" is conditional and that looks to me as a shaky way to kick off.

I wish you well though

MmaY said...

Abeg dnt gve in2 him oh, if he doesnt trust dt u can gt preggers afta marriage den he shld go his luvs OBVIOUSLY fickle, and pls dnt listen 2w@ madam amaka said on ur age tingy oh. B4 i go hve u guys bin doin d deed?????????????

Anonymous said...

So you're in your late twenties...is your life over? If you feel strongly about not getting preggos before you get married and he clearly can't accept it, you know exactly what to do

doll (retired blogger) said...

So what if you are in your late twenties? I see Amara's message has sunk deep into your head. At least someone has come to price your market! Lol. Anyways do not compromise your values. If you don't want to be a pregnant bride. Don't be. If someone is asking that you compromise your standards. Then he is Mr. Right not Mr. Right now. Marriage is not the ultimate achievement of a woman in life

Anonymous said...

Lol. . .vrY funNY man!

Anonymous said...

that means if somerhg bad happens to d pregnancy (God forbid) after d wedding, he ll divorce u.

kelly O. said...

*very long hiss*
my dear do not lower ur standards for any man, so not worth it .. as long as you are married to him, he would always expect you to lower ur standards...i say ditch him. the man God has prepared for u is waiting next door in a gucci suit!!

doll (retired blogger) said...

So what if you are in your late twenties? I see Amara's message has sunk deep into your head. At least someone has come to price your market! Lol. Anyways do not compromise your values. If you don't want to be a pregnant bride. Don't be. If someone is asking that you compromise your standards. Then he is Mr. Right not Mr. Right now. Marriage is not the ultimate achievement of a woman in life

Niki said...

There is someone who loves you more than any man and that is God. Who loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die in your place for your sins. Fornication is sin in God's eyes and will be judged by Him when you stand before Him on judgement day.
Lets look at God's love for a moment. First its unconditional- whilst we were yet singer's Christ (Who is God in the flesh came to die for us). Its also selfless and sacrifical to the point that He exalted you higher than Himself and gave His life for you.
Your boyfriend does NOT love you. You may think He does and He may tell you himself that he does but he DOESN'T. If you have a Bible, go and read 1 Corinthians 13 for true authentic love. Love is patient meaning its willing to wait, its not self-seeking, its unconditional and goes on. Let God's standard be the standard you set.
If your wanting to get married that bad take it to God in prayer. Tell Him your desires and wait on Him to provide you with a spouse. I know its hard but remember the story of Abraham and Sarah in the Bible. God had said that He was going to act in His time but Sarah got impatient and took matters into her own hands and we still see the consequences of her actions today. Wait on God. Trust in God. Your boyfriend is more likely to dump you whilst pregnant and is probably only asking you to spread your legs for his selfish conditional reasons- to see if your able to have kids. Conditional love. A man who loves you will make you his wife and will love you whether you are able to have kids or unable to have kids.

Anonymous said...

The man is carzy!....thats no love o...cos he is saying that if are not able to get pregnant...I cannot marry u....
....what if he himself is d problem?
....what if she gets pegnant and he doesnt propose?.....
...na wa o....

Anonymous said...

I do not think it a wise idea for you to get pregnant, leaving religion out of this, this man could leave you after you get pregnant, it's evident that he's love for you is "conditional". xoxoox

Anonymous said...

Think about itThink about it

Anonymous said...

Na wa o....so if you decline, he would walk away. Hmmm....I understand from the guy's perspective sha but he no really love you (in my opinion) if by declining, he would walk away but that's a risk you may want/have to take.

Being a man myself, I was worried about fertility issues (my own) before getting married but I decided to trust in God and He blessed me with a gorgeous son. And I stopped sleeping with my then gf for a long while.

I guess you guys have been sleeping together prior to this. Bad move; means you can't play the religious card now.

My take on this (sorry but I must come from a christian perspective) is to decline and be patient in making him see from your viewpoint.

Feel sorry for you sha - you both have understandable reasons. Most importantly, for the position you wish to take, seek God's assistance.

Adetutu said...

Madam, do you and your boyfriend have sex? If you do, then what is the rational behind you not wanting to get pregnant before marriage? Abi you dont want people to see the evidence that you are doing the doodey. Were you brought up to have sex before marriage?

Anonymous said...

If he really truly loves u, he wldn't give u dat kind of condition! Let him go, if he comes back for u, he's urs but if he doesn't, he never was.

Anonymous said...

find someone else..........fast

Nonye said...

dont do it! Your instincts are on point

Anonymous said...

RUBBISH!!!

Anonymous said...

So U were not Brot up 2 get pregnant before wedlock bur u were brot up 2 have s** outsyd wedlock??? Hahahahahaha.......Funny World.So U were not Brot up 2 get pregnant before wedlock bur u were brot up 2 have s** outsyd wedlock??? Hahahahahaha.......Funny World.

Anonymous said...

Don't try it. Cut your losses asap and leave the relationship. Do you know how many children are here raised in single parent homes as a result of this pre-condition?

TMONEI said...

NO NEED TO DEBATE TOO MUCH....HE HAS DECLARED HIS INTENTION TO MARRY YOU, WHAT NEXT?

U TOO GET PREGNANT OR...THE BALL IS IN HER COURT...UNLESS SHE HAS A SKELETON IN HER CUPBOARD..

TO THE GUY...WETIN DEY DO YOU SEF? ABI, U DEY DOUBT UR SCORING ABILITY? TRY AND MEET THE GIRL HALF WAY....ATLEAST DO INTRODUCTION...CE FINNI!!

Mmakamba said...

Babe when a guy starts giving u conditions like dis b4 u wed,i dont think its a good sign. wht will happen when u r married?u said u were not brought up that day, so why are u considering it?does ur getting pregnant and marrying him guarantee a happy marriage?d decision depends on u.U r in d situation...and so u r in d best position 2 make d right decision for urself.

Anonymous said...

Don't be silly, tell him to go to hell. True love has no conditions attached to it. What if you get pregnant, he marries you&there is a miscarriage? Will he stay or leave you? What if you get pregnant & he does not marry you? You are in late 20s is no big deal. I got married when i was 33yrs, @ 31years, there was no suitors in sigh.Be wise, lift up ur head& wait for the right person (he there searching for you)

Anonymous said...

leave him dear...u dont nid anyone forcing you to do what u dont want to do. if u go ahead n marry him, next time he will tell u to shave ur entire head or leave his house. any man that truly loves you wunt be selfish with his desires but will be selfless towards u. u r late 20ies nt 40ies....my dear, u will catch anoda fish.

Anonymous said...

this is not love think about it, 2years and you get condition for marriage, meaning he is willing to leave you.....he is selfish....go to GOD in prayer, is this really the man for u.

Anonymous said...

i guess different strokes for different folks. no one can answer this for you..whats the guarantee he'll marry if you dont get pregnant and also,you know how much you want this..so weigh you options to suit you and only you..
my personal opinion?..i think hez looking for a baby making machine to love..

Anonymous said...

I understand that because of your age you feel pressured to get married but the truth is, a man that gives you conditions to propose to you does not love you. What he is saying in essence is that the only reason why he will marry you is because you are pregnant with his child. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a man? If you get pregnant and he doesn't propose, what happens? Say you get pregnant, he proposes and for "whatever" reason you find out you don't want to go on with the wedding, what happens? Too many people have fallen into this trap and are now ling their lives in regret. Its better to be single and happy than married and unhappy. Its your call.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
Please tell him to take a walk.........................................................a long one.

You are a woman of virtue, worth more than rubies. Please stand on your principles.

I do not believe that this guy truly loves you. What is the guarantee that he will marry you even after you get pregnant? Okay, let’s say he marries you and you lose the pregnancy a few months after? What happens then? The bond that brought you together (supposedly) is broken. If it takes you longer to get pregnant, will he stand by you or will he look for another woman outside???
Is this the life you want to subject yourself to? Yes, you have gone out for two years…..so what? It is better to have a failed relationship than a failed marriage. You may decide to go ahead but don’t say you didn’t see the signs when you begin to have issues.

I want to believe that you are a Christian and this goes against all that we believe as Christians. At the end of it all (this life), we have only one person to answer to and that is our Lord Jesus Christ.

DO THE RIGHT THING. STAND ON YOUR PRINCIPLES.

justSayin said...

What a set up!!!!

Does he think u are barren or what? KMT

Mary said...

Tell him to go to hell. I say so because a guy shouldnt be giving you any conditions prior to marriage. If you consent, your marriage will be that way. Even though you are in your late twenties, it dosent mean you would jump off a bridge if he tells you to, or would you? Being in your late twenties is not the end of the world. so, unless this is something you want to do, dont do it. A pregnant bride dosent cut it my friend. He is not the one for you. Dont jump into this marriage with him because you are in your late twenties, your husband will come at the God given time. Dont go marrying someone else's husband beacuse you feel you have age constraints.

prinzedhebo said...

dats so bad.if he really loves you, he wont give you such a condition. if he wants to know if u can give birth or not he should take you 4 a test in d hospital or smtin, believe me dat guy is nt serious. if he insists leave him alone cos u will get better guys. TRUST ME.

Anonymous said...

Its so sad. some men these days think it is only women that have infertlity problem, a lot lies with them without their knowing. I will advise you to be prayerful...God may be trying to tell you something about your relationship with the guy, who knows? Just keep trying your best

Anonymous said...

LINDA I AM IN MY LATE, LATE 30. I GOT INVOVLED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A 39 YEARS OLD GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO GET MARRIED TO ME BUT HE INSISTED I GET PREGNANT FIRST I TOLD HIM POLITELY NO AND WAS STILL PRAYING THAT GOD SHOULD TOUCH HIS HEART SO HE CAN UNDERSTAND. THOUGH I HAD MADE UP MY MIND THAT I WILL NOT GET PREG B4 MARRIAGE. AFTER SOME TIME HE AGREED AND PROMISED TO WAIT. WE HAVE FIXED THE MONTH FOR OUR WEDDING. MY DEAR KEEP ON PRAYING.

Anonymous said...

My dear, I can't tell you what to do but whatever it is, make sure it is your decision that makes you happy. So what if you are on your late twenties? I got married at 36 to the man of my dreams. I thought someone else was to be my husband, but he insisted I change my religion before we married. I put my values and God first and he left me so fast it made my head spin. It was the hardest thing to do, especially since I was "in my late twenties." I hurt like crazy for years but God brought my REAL husband to me at the right time. I do have a question for you. God forbid you don't get pregnant before marriage like he wants you to, will he stick around?

*ajalahtravel* said...

Since none of una wan compromise then the only answer na for una to waka una parallel ways

*ajalahtravel*

Anonymous said...

u are only in ur late 20s, and u feel say if u no marry d man, u go die. haba sister, u dey worry o. i no go lie u. any man wey no fit love u before marriage, no go fit love u after wedding. true!!! shikena!! lai lai...

1976AD.com said...

Your boyfriend is on drugs.

Venus said...

SMH...men are just unbelievable. I have an Uncle who pulled this same stunt a long time ago cos as far as he was concerned, all 'Lagos girls' didnt have wombs anymore. Anyway, one of the ladies he was seeing then said she was pregnant and preparations for the wedding started in earnest..Months down the line, after the wedding of course, she had a miscarriage and there was no baby for years after...The marriage then packed up. The summary of this story is that this Uncle later remarried years later and at over sixty still has kids in nursery school..

The moral of this story is that men really need to play God less and trust God more in their search for a life partner...Cos outside of Him,there really are NO guarantees.Just my two cents worth..

Anonymous said...

If you follow through with this, you'd be the most foolish woman alive.

Your boyfriend is a very silly individual to ask you to make a life changing commitment in exchange for something that he is not willing to commit to unconditionally.

Anonymous said...

If you follow through with this, you'd be the most foolish woman alive.

Your boyfriend is a very silly individual to ask you to make a life changing commitment in exchange for something that he is not willing to commit to unconditionally.

Noella said...

HE IS PLAYING GOD, AND OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T TRUST YOU AND APPEARS TO WANT A BABY MACHINE NOT A WIFE..I KNOW HOW YOU MIGHT BE FEELING THE PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED,BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T.. HOWEVER THINK DEEPLY ABOUT WHAT HE IS ASKING OF YOU, AND SEEK THE LORD'S GUIDANCE AND COUNSEL.

Gidiboy said...

I'm sorry to hear that, maybe you need to find the right person if he insists. He obviously is not right for you when you have conflicting views over conditions of marriage proposal. This is my humble submission.

JAYISM said...

Soo sad Linda.. Men are so silly and selfish are'nt we.. just do ur best to make him understand. If he really loves you, he should have no cause for concern.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes now and dear, I don't think I'll go against such strong principles just to get a man to marry me...

Anonymous said...

It's no big deal lady.Since u know and believe he's gonna take u to da Alter,do it and enjoy ya marriage.Da brain behind most marriages today is Pregnancy and u know dat.Juzz do it 4 love k?It's no big deal lady.Since u know and believe he's gonna take u to da Alter,do it and enjoy ya marriage.Da brain behind most marriages today is Pregnancy and u know dat.Juzz do it 4 love k?

Anonymous said...

find a pregnant friend to do a pregnancy test for you. Then dip it back in water or ur own urine and show it to the guy. This is afterall if u want to marry him that badly and would rather not risk pregnancy off the top.

Anonymous said...

let that negro go please....what the heck is wrong with men nowadays...And what makes you think you'll get the "ring" after u catch belle? or even "walk down the aisle"....totalbullcrap.com

Anonymous said...

questn is:does he really love you?if he does,y wld getting preg for him befor proposal not even marriage be an option/men wld never cease to amuse the hell outa me.

pls tell him we no longer in the stone age abeg.

Anonymous said...

This is wrong and unbiblical. He does not respect you and this means your marriage will be one where you will dominated and your rights are ignored. I would strongly advise you DONT marry this guy, whether you are in your late 20s or not. Pray to God for God fearing man to be your husband, not a bully.

Anonymous said...

for how long have u guys dated?dnt tell me u guys have never discussed this issue before now.if he's really ur friend,he shld have come to understand ur stand regarding issues like this.
u gotta make up ur ming,pls ur bf or pls God!

Anonymous said...

My dear.. take off ur shoes and run as fast as you can. A man who has no respect for God and the institution of marriage is not worth it. Its better to be single in your late 20's than to be married at that age to such a man...

ChiChiLuv said...

I am sorry to say that you are marrying a simpleton! Did you ever have a discussion about this before you got deeply into the relationship? What is to guarantee that he will marry you AFTER you get pregnant? Did somebody tell him that you will not be able to have a child after the proper protocol has been taken? What if you give birth to a girl instead of a boy and he comes up suddenly with that as an issue just like he did with this ultimatum? How long will you continue to swing like a pendulum?

This is called emotional blackmail, if you begin to compromise on this, you will continue to compromise on things that mean something to you through the duration of your marriage/relationship.

This person does not care about you because he would marry you as you are and let the Lord give you the children in his appointed time. He has NO respect for you or your family, if he respected you and your family, he wouldn't want to put you in a shameful position.

Abeg, try to reason with him but if he wouldn't reason with you, leave this man on the curb where someelse who likes to be controlled, domineered and manipulated can pick him up!

DO IT AND I GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE A SINGLE MOTHER!

Anonymous said...

I understand that because of your age you feel pressured to get married but the truth is, a man that lays down conditions to propose does not love you. What he is saying is that the only reason he'll want to marry you is because you are pregnant with his child.
Be honest with yourself, Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with that sort of person? Say you get pregnant and for whatever reason you cant go on with the wedding, what happens? Or you get pregnant and he still doesn't propose then what?
If what he wants is assurance that you can conceive then you can go to the doctor to have yourself checked. What if you don't succeed in getting pregnant (not because there's anything wrong with you but for other unforeseen reasons which may even be caused by him), how do you think he'll treat you?
Many people have fallen into this sort of trap and they spend the rest of their lives living in regret.
The big question you need to ask yourself is, "what do I want for myself?".

2sin said...

Don't do dt.it's wrong.that means he doesn't love u.are u d oldest single lady in d worldDon't do dt.it's wrong.that means he doesn't love u.are u d oldest single lady in d world

BLESSING said...

i dont want to say he doesnt want 2 marry you but what i will say is that he is nt ur husband ,d sooner you leave him d better 4 you,ur own will nt pass you by,He is nt God and dont be to sentimental that ur in late twenties ,it doesnt matter but dont sell ur pride bcos of marriage,you can even be pregnant and he will nt marry you at last.STOP WASTN UR TIME WT HIM !!!!

Linda's Body Guard said...

why not? cos he will be rest assured o! cos i have a friend that his wife cannot conceive and they've been married for 11yrs now no issue.all these girls nowadays u have to be sure

fortunechiby said...

Heeyaaa,mayb he av gt d feeling dat u cnt gt pregnant if he marries u,u av 2 prove it.besides u ar getn old.looooooolHeeyaaa,mayb he av gt d feeling dat u cnt gt pregnant if he marries u,u av 2 prove it.besides u ar getn old.loooooool

Anonymous said...

Dont try it cos av bn there and ended up being a baby mama. i got pregnant and the nit wit "realised" he wasnt ready afterall and suggested i had an abortion. Thank God i had money of my own cos i simply packed my bags and relocated abroad. if he truly values you he'll marry you without conditions

Anonymous said...

Whats guarantee do u hav dat he would marry u as soon as u get pregnant.Girlfriend d writing is so bold for u to see.Once there is life there is hopeWhats guarantee do u hav dat he would marry u as soon as u get pregnant.Girlfriend d writing is so bold for u to see.Once there is life there is hope

fannie said...

My dear, tell him to go to hell! Is he nuts? See, even if he later agrees to marry u without ur getting pregnant do not agree o! That's a red flag going up right there! If he doesn't believe or trust u'll have kids then let him move. You'll find someone better, and pls late twenties isn't too old. Better to have a loving husband that respects you at 32 than to have one that will not have regard for u at 28...think twice!My dear, tell him to go to hell! Is he nuts? See, even if he later agrees to marry u without ur getting pregnant do not agree o! That's a red flag going up right there! If he doesn't believe or trust u'll have kids then let him move. You'll find someone better, and pls late twenties isn't too old. Better to have a loving husband that respects you at 32 than to have one that will not have regard for u at 28...think twice!

Anonymous said...

follow ur mind lady.bt am 1 of dose guyz who believe in gettin gurls pregnant b4 marriage.personally i tink its no big deal.

Eniola said...

Follow your belief. I don't also fancy the act of being pregnant before marriage. The honour for pregnancy is within the confines of marriage. Don't panic, a better one will come. Talk to God and I'm sure he will answer you because I'm sure God is not also a fan of being pregnant before marriage.
I've been there so I know how it feels. True love will not give you such condition even when he feels like it. In my own case,it wasn't about him. It was his mother that wanted me to get pregnant before marriage,but through wisdom,we scaled through the hurdle and now we are fine.
Don't be scared to take the step though I know how scary it could be,losing the one you love based on some sort of conditions. Take your firm stand. Try to talk it out and if it doesn't work,leave honourably. Come to think of it,you are the one that will be termed as wayward,not him. the stigma lies more on you than him. Moreso, it's not really a good example especially if you have younger siblings...
Cheers.

chi chi said...

that man might not really love you o. with this i'm sure u know that if u marry dis man, he'll abandon u at the first sign of trouble. still talk to him again, nd if ur family knows him, u can tell ur mom or someone else nd see wot happens. pause, think and pray hard about this person.

Anonymous said...

SIMPLE:

If you want to RUIN your life, listen to him and get pregnant.

Anonymous said...

U beta pack ur slippers or shoes whicheva one u av on and run.if he truly luvs u he wldn't make demands.did his own dad marry his mum after she got pregnant?well it all depends on ur priorities.be wise girl

Anonymous said...

Babe,don't even dare to try getting pregnant,because as soon as you are pregnant he will leave you for another woman out there.please be smart.

ify said...

Hmmm.. na wa ho. I dont blame them at all. What happened to the days when a man used to consider it an honor to be accepted as a husband? Now women have to endure all sorts even as the ultimate "price" of marriage is dangled in her face.

ify said...

Exactly what do these men see when they look at us? Utrus on heels?

Anonymous said...

Aunty Amara won't see this one now abi? Tell us Amara, is it ok to get pregnant b4 marriage jus bcos the guy says so? Sebi we must marry na? She is in her late twenties...if she tells d guy to go to hell, then there must be somthing wrong with her abi? Abeg its one thing to accidentally get pregnant b4 marriage,its another matter to delibrately go ahead and do it. If ur dear boyfriend ( that's what u called him na)decides he doesn't want again, it will be more painfull in the latter case. If he wants to check ( nay ,test) if ur womb is still intact, then go to a gyno and do a proper checkup.....and let him do his also so we will know where the doubt is comming from( e fit be say d guy no fit give belle sef)

Anonymous said...

1. Linda pls post d comments, stop holding them back

2. Is age now a consideration against values. Won't another man lv u bc u hold ur values dear?

3. Does d man want u 4 u or 4 d baby. I always seen babies as additionally blessings that God bestows on unions.

4. A relative of mine got d same pre-nuptial conditions, took in n while making preparations 4 d wedding she miscarried it n till date no show (9 yrs)

5. It's gd 2 marry 4 lv, trust in God and all other lasting values

My 1 kobo thots1. Linda pls post d comments, stop holding them back

2. Is age now a consideration against values. Won't another man lv u bc u hold ur values dear?

3. Does d man want u 4 u or 4 d baby. I always seen babies as additionally blessings that God bestows on unions.

4. A relative of mine got d same pre-nuptial conditions, took in n while making preparations 4 d wedding she miscarried it n till date no show (9 yrs)

5. It's gd 2 marry 4 lv, trust in God and all other lasting values

My 1 kobo thots

Anonymous said...

Wot if he gets u preggy, only 2 decide u r not who he wants 2 marry afterall (it happens)? When a man starts givin u such conditions b4 he'll marry u, it usually indicates he's not dat into u n shld set u on red alert! He also thinks u r desperate- dont be cos sista, d right man 4 u is just round d corner!

Anonymous said...

Please Linda where do you find these people that always need your help....I hace no comment for this problem....actually on second thought please get pregnant....r u kidding me....roll eye

emmysoul1 said...

Wel,I dont tink its a wise thing to do and he is certainly not the rite man for you.Be patient!Better guys wil propose 2 u,just relax.Wel,I dont tink its a wise thing to do and he is certainly not the rite man for you.Be patient!Better guys wil propose 2 u,just relax.

Anonymous said...

My dear, as a christain the best advice i will give to you is to let go of the riship becos getting pregant before marriage is a wrong foundation becos later ur hubby will not trust u in marriage.. Pls my dear, dont even try it.. To be fore warned is to be fore armed...My dear, as a christain the best advice i will give to you is to let go of the riship becos getting pregant before marriage is a wrong foundation becos later ur hubby will not trust u in marriage.. Pls my dear, dont even try it.. To be fore warned is to be fore armed...

Nkem said...

Tell him to go to hell. He is obviously looking for a way to get rid of you. He knows its against your belief to get pregnant...he will insist on it and eventually tell you, ok if you can't lets break up. Forget about how old you are, I got married at 33 an I am so glad I married who I married. A man who will love you unconditionally will soon come along. Abeg let him go jare. It might hurt but with God by your side, you will get over it. Maybe if you even tell him to GTH, he may change his mind.

Anonymous said...

I would not advise it,Is a baby the most important thing to him in a marriage,surely children are a blessings from God but nigerian men obsession with being pregnant before wedding has got to stop.

If you were raised well as you rightly said,have the fear of God you need not worry.Do not let him think you are obsessed with marriage because you are in your late twentiies

Hand on your heart,if you have had a pretty decent past,sorry to be rude,not had any abortions in the past,you should stand your ground and let him go.

Or on the other hand.

Have a traditional marriage,then get pregnant..

K said...

No man worth marrying would give you that kind of condition. I understand that you have been with him for 2 years but you need to really reconsider if that is an alternative he is giving you. Ask him if his parents had that agreement before they got married.

Anonymous said...

why are you even asking our opinion,let alone even thinking about his request? No, this man does not love and he sure as hell will not marry you even if you get pregnant for him. I don't know why Nigerian women get really desperate after a certain age and feel they will never find a man if they don't get married before 30.

Anonymous said...

Tell him to go to Hell and burn to Ashes, accept u re not BORN again.

Anonymous said...

Hasn't he been shining your congo? If you had no objection to congo shining before marriage, what's the problem. Even if you are not pregnant before marriage, do you think that everyone will be fooled that you both have just been holding hands for 2 years. If you don't like his terms, just waka forward. He'll sooner or later find someone who will agree to his terms.

Buzzer! said...

that guy is not serious! so what if u get pregnant and u guys have issues, what happens to u and the pregnancy?
If he insists on that madness, then insist he signs an agreement that says 'as soon as u get pregnant, he MUST marry u no matter what!' and tell him u must have a lawyer present for the signing (as im head no correct, show am 'were' too) mschewww

Anonymous said...

Poster... what you guys need is a medical test to acertain both of you are okay and can reproduce. if you've dated this guy for 10 years and for once you've not told him you missed your period then that is the major issue. illiteracy can also be a problem here. abeg make una see a doctor. it's not a crime for nigerians to start doing thins right.

Anonymous said...

Babe,don't even dare to try getting pregnant,because as soon as you are pregnant he will leave you for another woman out there.please be smart.

Anonymous said...

Poor girl. She could actually be a good woman with minimal flaws.

Can't blame the guy though, it's no secret that the average Nigerian girl has gone through tens of men; abortions and orgies by mid-twenties. Her case is worse because she's in her late twenties which means a higher percentage chance that she's played the fields and now trying to settle down because of that ticking biological clock.

No man wants to make a whore a house-wife.

Anonymous said...

Madness!! If he's so scared of you not being fertile or whatever and is not willing to stick by you if God forbid you are, sweety I don't think you wanna be getting married to this guy just yet.

Bee said...

Tell him to get out of here.....He is mad. So you go born pikin, he will run away and you will be stuck with bastard child. pssst

Anonymous said...

TELL HIM TO GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE, THAT IS VERY STUPID OF HIM TO GIVE U A GIRL AN OPTION, PLS DONT GIVE IN COS U R AN ATOM OF WOMANHOOD,U CAN STILL SURVIVE WIT OR WIT-OUT HIM IN UR LIFE, FORGET UR AGE N STAY FOCUS IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.

Obinna Okeke said...

Just walk up to him and whisper in his ear ''if not that u are ma man i woulds have told u to go to heeellll!'' he will then undastnd u. Dont b a pregnant bride.Just walk up to him and whisper in his ear ''if not that u are ma man i woulds have told u to go to heeellll!'' he will then undastnd u. Dont b a pregnant bride.

Anonymous said...

Looking @ it from ur bf's point of view, I don't blame him @ all. Cos I know a man who was married to a babe for 12 yrs she knew she cud not have kids but she neva told him. So I don't blame ur bf for saying that but I also get u cos I'm a woman, I don't wanna get pregnant before marriage either. So its a big big decision, u really have to think bout it. Good luck in any decision u make.Looking @ it from ur bf's point of view, I don't blame him @ all. Cos I know a man who was married to a babe for 12 yrs she knew she cud not have kids but she neva told him. So I don't blame ur bf for saying that but I also get u cos I'm a woman, I don't wanna get pregnant before marriage either. So its a big big decision, u really have to think bout it. Good luck in any decision u make.

Anonymous said...

so, u might b gettin married soon. Na wah o.
So what happens to d unmarried ladies in their thirties who luv this blog because u aint married too? I guess, they will stop visiting..chei

Anonymous said...

If you say 'But I'm in my late twenties' like it's a reason to betray your principles,chances are that you WILL capitulate and you WILL get pregnant for him before you marry. Whatever happens after that is part of the choice you will have made for yourself.

Good luck and I hope that whatever decision you make turns out to be the right one for you and brings you lasting comfort.

Anonymous said...

Walk away dearie, cos there are several other tough conditions lying inwait if u get in.
Ur man might be @ the corner waiting for u, trust God and trust no BF.
Cheers!

Anonymous said...

although i don't consider his request a reasonable one,i think you should consider it (i mean pregnancy). Not for the reason that he would leave you if don't, but because in marriage, there is a lot of compromise, and if this guy makes you happy, why not hold on to him. but then again you know him better than we do, so maybe u should also ask your self *if i demanded something unreasonable form him, would he compromise?*

Anonymous said...

But this no hard na afterall e dey happen wella for today`s society.
Level the preg and go for the wedding few weeks thereafter.
Chikena.

Anonymous said...

If he is a God fearing christian, he will NOT give you this mandate. The bible clearly warns against premarital sex. There is a danger marrying such type of backward Nigerian men who seem to marry you just for your womb. So what happens if you get pregnant and God forbid you loose the pregnancy after marraige and cannot conceive again, then what? When we human beings try to do over sabi, God has a way of dealing with us accordingly you best believe.

As a happily married woman, I can tell you this. It is not how early you marry but rather marrying the right person. Many Nigerian women pick a loser for a husband because they don't want to be unmarried by the time they hit 30. At the end of the day, they are miserable and wished they had waited just a little longer for God's intended Mr right. Marraige is sweet IF you marry a good guy. If you marry a guy who only sees women as a walking incubator, then you are in trouble. He will leave you for someone else if matters beyond your control as a woman crops up.

Goodluck with whatever you decide to do.

Anonymous said...

firstly,dat male model is sooooo gay.my dear he is not ur man jare......if he luvs and trusts u den he shud wait till after ur wedding. biko dear, d guy no trust u jare. are u dat desperate to marry? why u go let am talk dat kind shit n u accept am? nne waka!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My dear u cant blame the man.With the things going on this days its only normal for a man to insist on testing his wife to be.Let me tell u a little secret about some men??! They can't imagine being in a childless marriage for one day.So u better reconsider it.yes,u might say if he really and truly loves u then he will wait for kids.

Anonymous said...

He really needs to go to HELL!!!
You need to find out his reason cause it's so selfish and unfair of him. Is he ready for a shotgun wedding? Are his parents and yours okay with it? Be careful not to end up alone as a single mother. On another note, if the social pressure is getting to YOU then you might as well. Having a child is never a loss.

Anonymous said...

Do not try it! If he really loves you, he will marry you first before kids roll in! What is he insecure of?
Let me share my personal experience with you.. my ex told me to get pregnant before marriage too and i said NO! only for me to find out he had a fling with another girl during our courtship and got her pregnant! He knew he couldnt marry the side chic and did not wonna loose me as well so he was begging me seriously to get pregnant! He bascically wanted me to be stuck!
I REPEAT! DO NOT!

smart said...

did u tell him ur past experience that myt make him skeptical abt ur ability to concieve?
If u rili care en want to av him, u may giv in to his demand, or otherwise, call it quit.
seffinnih !!

Anonymous said...

If he loves you, then he won't be asking you to get married before proposing. Don't use your age as a reason for you to rush an get married.

Have a good weekend everyone.

http://thatreofsunshine.blogspot.com/2011/09/cheers-to-weekend.html

N.Campbell said...

He's not serious, NEXT!!!!! He's basing your future marriage on the ability for you to produce children and there are far more factors that go into marriage than that. You can tell him your not for that. Why should you sacrifice your beliefs all in the name of marriage. He's basically telling you that you are replaceable.

VJ said...

Dont do it because you are in your late whatever, do it because you are in love. And dont do it if the marriage is not gonna be very soon. But i dont think he loves you that much.

Because that condition e get as e be!

Anonymous said...

If he truly loves you, he will understand and wait for you. Its not always about the age...don't change who you are or do something for the wrong reason.

Anonymous said...

i want to share a true live story with you my best friend mum was put in that position by his father, father: woman you must be pregnant before i marry you both side knew each other very well and she decided to get pregnant(virgin) for 20years now she has being a single mom, fending for herself and her son the man didn't marry her again...... geuss wat he is married today to someone else and they really loved each other but she is still a single mom and probably will be single the rest of her life cos she is in her mid 40's

my advice for you let every member of your family know very much about it plssss so u dont be a single mom its not easy

Vaughn Samuel said...

Reading Thru the comments on this post makes me laugh. Many of us have different experiences that make us act sometimes irrationally. Gone are the days when you expect to marry a young clean "tear rubber" wife. I know about 10 marriages without Children after 6 years. Its easy to talk about Love when everything is cool and dandy. Wait make your wife no born pikin after 3 years.... Its a thing that both of them should talk about.She can allay the guys fears. Believe me, no body wants to go to some pastor before he can have a baby. So my advise is...If He wants you to get pregnant before proposing, No!!! If he has proposed to you and wants you to get pregnant before walking down the aisle, by all means.

Abujakenneth said...

Most of us talk as if this situation is entirely new to us. It comes up every now and then because of the value we attached to children we are biological parents to. Infertility is 2 rampant now. If we start respecting adopted issues may be it may be different. My advice to her is that she is of age and should take responsibility of whatever action she takes. If she can have pre marital sex, why cant she be pregnant before wedding. God help us.

Anonymous said...

When I read things like this, it makes me glad to be living outside Nigeria for real. I have a girlfriend of mine who just put to bed and birthed a healthy bouncing baby boy this week. Guess how old she is? 44 years old and it is her first baby. She is a Nigerian and married at almost 40 years old to a Jamaican guy who loves and adores her. Luckily for her, she lives here in the U.S where women are not given expiration dates like its done in Nigeria and where women have other options than marrying a Naija.

Let me tell you, alot of Nigerian men can cost you your salvation with their ugly demands and put you in some serious trouble with God. It is no wonder that even after marraige and giving them children, many cheat and commit adultery to high heavens. Children suppose to be a gift from God. It suppose to be an additional blessing to holy matrimony. Sadly, alot of Nigerian men have no respect for women or for God. Then they wonder why their children die tragically in car accidents before their time whilst in their prime leaving them to bury their own children.

Make no mistake, God will not be mocked. There are women who get pregnant before marraige, then get married, and then loose everything. Their husbands pass away and then the children die tragically in car accidents or by some other tragic means leaving the woman with nothing at the end. Getting preganant is one thing, but it takes God's grace for the children to live long enough to bury you some day especially in Nigeria where life is cheap and young adults keep dying.

Don't let the wrath of God come upon you in the future. Do the right thing and wait for YOUR God fearing Mr. Right. When he comes along, you will know and it will feel right and you will not have to compromise your moral and religious values and beliefs to please a man that tomorrow might just dump you and walk off with another woman. Remember, Naija men seldom have any respect for their women so act wisely.

Son of Babylon said...

What kind of man wants his wife to be pregnant before marrying her? So he wants her to walk down the aisle with big tummy or when she has gained a few pounds from post baby wahala? Wouldn't you want your wife to be looking stunning on your wedding day?

Anonymous said...

Linda nne, u seriously need to think of taking this ur blog to a different level. I see u breaking the bank with this venture! Az in, U just posted this story some 6hrs ago and already have over 120 responses! WOW.

queen said...

pray about it and God will give you the wisdom you need to overcome this evil.

Anonymous said...

look, iv been married for 10 years now and no kid. tried ivf and other assisted conceptions to no avail. we are now looking to adopt so we can rest on the child issue. my biggest regret is not finding out if my wife could concieve prior to marriage. So dont blame some men for making such a request. Afterall we know some women use pregnancy to trap some men into marriage. My dear, ultimately, the choice is yours

Anonymous said...

I think the guy does not want to marry this girl as his first wife. He has another girl that he wants to carry to the alter.

This girl will later become his second wife. That is what he may be trying to say because he knew that she is desperate to marry at her age. He is not her life partner.

Anonymous said...

All of una dey hala, I did the same thing am still married,back then all her friends said don't do it, all those girls now get problem(no husband)I have 3kids.if she has nothinng to hide and the guy is married, carry go

eviliciouspepe said...

is the issue no pregnancy before marriage or sex? those are 2 different things. If u guys are not having sex, stand ur ground. But if u all r sexually active then I don't see ur point. You r doing it anyways. goodluck tho.

Missy Tee's said...

Honey, its simple as ABC- NOPE. You know what men are like and you don't wanna be duped. Being a single baby mama is not a joke. If he is the right one, he'll stay but if he ain't he'll walk for the real right and understanding one to come.
Don't break that commandment sweet.

www.missytees.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I think you already know what to do. You brought your dilemma here simply because you need a measure of courage and encouragement to leave that small-minded boyfriend of yours. I hope you find them here. Trust me, years from now you'll look back and thank your lucky stars that you dumped the simpleton. And so what if you are in your late twenties? I will never understand why Nigerian women are SO obsessed with getting married and having children before they are thirty. Marriage and children will not necessarily bring you happiness, neither is marriage a woman's ultimate achievement in life. I'm sure you have female friends who are married. Ask them to tell you the TRUTH about marriage.

Anonymous said...

carry the belle jor...what's the big deaal....d guy doesnt want a life time commitment if you cant give him lifetime joy( children)...it's that simple...afterall , u guys have sex already so its no big deal ... be wiseee, ur getting oldr anyways lol :)

OFFICIAL Ogeh Cynthia said...

if you give in now he will make more outrageous demands in d future. stand your ground and i believe GOD will give you ur own man.

Jade8221 said...

My dear I know its tough for you to decide but now you have to think with your head and not with your heart. Love makes us do the craziest shit.

However, PLEASE whether you are in ur late 20's and u read AMARA'S article CUT THE CRAP. Think of the disadvantages you have to deal with if this idiot doesn't marry you, then you will be stuck with a child.

Chica go and pray and tell God to direct you. Be strong and Tell your boyfriend that "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO IT"; if en no wan dey with you enough sharp responsible guys full ground. THEN OFF UR FONE....

~~~~~As others have mentioned go to the fertility clinic and both of you MUST get tested~~~~~~
How can he want you to get pregnant when he hasn't come to ask your parents for your hand; my dear be sharp. Most of these men do this to deceive you and run.

The only thing i can think of now is, he probably is deciding btw you and someone else. Then if you become pregnant that's his excuse to leave the other girl. Trust me a guy has told me that before. He said "The only way to leave his girl of 7yrs is if i get pregnant for him".

He thought i was really dumb; I told him NOPE it ain't happening because; what are the chances that on the first trial I/U will get pregnant. 2ndly, i knew he was saying that to get what he wants, but i still refused because he will still go back to his girlfriend.

So i told him the ball is in his court if na me en want he knows what to do.....THERE AIN'T NO BABY COMING OUTTA NOWHERE...

That was it and guess what after that i heard from a friend that the dude did his court marriage and by the time he did his white wedding his girl was preggo........Mind you she got preggo after he proposed and after the court wedding.....SO MY GIRL BE SMART.....

No follow ur guy talk that yeye talk make en propose.
That is NOT LOVE....my dear someone that loves you will think of your own comfort and safety.

ChiChiLuv said...

eviliciouspepe - i don't get your point either, are suggesting if she is having premarital sex, she should go ahead and get pregnant since since already doing it? That is one dopey statement! WTH!

Nneka said...

What is with all these ppl saying its no big deal because they are already having sex? having protected sex is not the same thing as being pregnant. typical selfish ass naija men!

Anonymous said...

What a douche bag. These days, even eleron dey give conditions. We women have to stop acting desperate. It's pathetic.

Unknown said...

You have the power to decide what you want. That you are twenty something or late 30s or 50 does not mean you should go against your belief.

Marriage is for better for worse so if the guy cannot take the step of trusting that all will be well or whatever the case that he will be with you, my dear leave him now while the signs of dange are written boldly.

You need to love yourself enough to understand what you want or not.
Leave him.

Anonymous said...

My dear, do not do it. His thinking will affect other aspects of his attitude. If you have a female child he will probably insist on a male child and so on and so forth and still not marry you.

As for the fertility checkers,
What if he is firing blanks? there is such a thing as male factor infertility, ok?

A man can have kids and a few years later have low sperm count - Google secondary male infertility
There are a lot of Nigerian men walking around today chest out with kids from mistresses AND none of those kids are theirs biologically.You go fear - fear. Una never meet sharp babes.

Anonymous said...

Dis article got me thinking, I’m not proud of wat I’m about to write,I’m a married 30yr old lady buh I have a younger boyfriend, he is 26 and he is so good @ making me cum. He is my definition of sexual satisfaction. The problem is I’m falling in love with him and I need to stop that coz I love my husband & wanna keep our marriage. I thought it would be best if I let another have him so I can get my mind off him . I won’t stop thinking about him. If u are a lady & sexual satisfaction has eluded u, I’ll be nice enough to introduce you to him. Hopefully you won’t fall in love like I did with him. Mail me @: joanrichards33@yahoo.com. Cheers

babe said...

i understd u jare am aving same issues and the guy talks abt me having twins ...boys but never abt marriage...but finding it so difficult to pull away frm him...i am in my mid 30s so its worse and i dnt want to be a single mother...i hope i get reasonable advice frm here

Anonymous said...

He knows you are desperate. That's why he had the courage to make such a myopic and archaic request. What does "I'm in my late twenties" mean? Cut your losses and leave the eejit behind. Fast.

Anonymous said...

Na wa o,yourba pple are found of doing such am a yourba gal i can testify to dat,its really for a selfish intrest actually.

NaijaScorpio said...

This is not unheard of around the parts i grew up in. Different people marry for different reasons. Apparently, he is not marrying her for HER. He might be marrying her because he thinks it's time for him to get married and start a family so he wants to ensure she can get pregnant. This is the kind of man that will leave u, sharp sharp, if you can't have a child for him within 5 years, for whatever reason. It's quite sad actually, but like i said before, it's not unheard of.

He hasn't even proposed yet?!! Na wa. She needs to examine the situation and the man carefully to make sure he really loves her as a person, not as a woman he just wants to marry and put in the house. There's a big difference. It totally determines the way he will treat you and the kind of marriage you will have. IMHO

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! May God help us all! Girl, get pregnant and see if the idiot will marry you. It is not even about the way you were brought up. It is wrong!! Period!! No one and I mean no one can promise you tomorrow but God. I think the guy is selfish and immature and you need to leave him kia kia. God has provided your bone of your bone and you do not need to succumb to commands and demands that go against the word of God and how you were brought up. Lean on God and trust in him. we Nigerians need to stop pressuring people to get married when they reach a certain age, this is the reason for the rise in people killing, beating and molesting their spouses. Let God bring you to your man and I promise you, you will be happy!!! God bless you!!

Anonymous said...

My dear i feel you oh. Same boat. Mine is even an only son so nobody go follow me hear any excuse. I know that is what he wants and he has been actively trying with me botching the efforts through morning after and he gets so pissed.We broke up and i feel worse because i really loved this guy.Children are a non negotiable addition to marriage for him and he will be a fabulous father. If we make up, i will do it. He has shown intent to marry and is really serious. Na me dey fear, but no shaking. I am old enough and i trust him enough. It depends on the level of maturity and trust. It is well, nothing spoil. Every man for himself and God for us all. *Muah*

Anonymous said...

please tell him to FUCK OFF!

Anonymous said...

Tell him call it even. He's probably enjoying the hell out the milk you're giving him. Better yet lie and falsify a pregnancy test. Don't mind me. Lol , but if this is a cultural tradition, your parents agree and this is the man you love do it! Sounds like you might be paused due to trust issues. Use pre-marital counseling to help work through this. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

booboo c said...
if you guyz have been fornicating,wats d big deal den abt being a pregnant bribe ?

September 30, 2011 11:56 AM

Booboo c is so rite,very few pple say d truth! pple are so pretentious; can hav sex but cant get pregnant, decieve urselves. God made marriage for companionship and sex for procreation, so if ur having sex be ready to get pregnant anytime. Dont think abt d morals, more like d principle or more like his motive. You are in d relationship, be honest to yourself and try to figure out why he is asking that, then if its a selfish motive u will know wat to do!

Ada said...

Hmmm sista sista,

A lot has been said, but lemme just say dat pre-marital sex is one sin enuf, d consequences of which are managable if things dont work as planned... Now 'Pregnancy'....its not just a word, It implies a new life both for u n d child u'll be bringing in...If dis rship for any reason fails r u ready to raise d child alone??? The security of having kids within a marriage is dat ur partners family accept u as family and are naturally more supportive towards u even in d case of a divorce de still acknowledge ur child as theirs...However I am yet to meet a baby mama who's baby daddy's family would help even wit simple support like baby sitting..... there are reasons why natural laws exist, when u CHOOSE to do otherwise, I can only ask dat u be ready to handle whateva comes of it.

If u havent been doing so in the past, i recommend Prayer n personal reflection...xoxo!

Anonymous said...

If u give in, other demands will creep in, conditionally too. Ƒσя instance:'will you get out of my life after you give birth tσ that thing'...or 'if you bow down and worship me, i'll give you the whole world'. Just like satan did in the wilderness. Realise you are in your wilderness now!

And1 said...

I am a man and I have come across women like yourself countless times...will never give a woman such selfish conditions if I truly care about her,but trust me I can identify your type of weakness and desperation to cling onto the man,in such cases I fleeeeeee....my dear take this 'man secret' from me no man wants a weak woman and one without self value or basic wisdom,he will use you and make the rest of your existence miserable and in bitterness,be it inside the marriage or after divorce,you will live a scorned woman. The next thing will be "I'm staying for the kids" my dear open your heart and you will find the right man, better late than a lifetime of slavery and sadness..i must commend you for bringing you case here,this is the best thing you have done trust me,listen to the voice of wisdom,think with your head and not your heart this one time...BE YE WARNED!!

Anonymous said...

sex is supposed to be between married couples or u risk offending God, but d society now kals a virgin or a morally upright a nerd, sad, cos Gods laws should come first, but i suppose with the rate at which childless marriages r increasing due to health problems in both the males n females ds days, d guys fears r reasonably founded, 2resolve ds, dey should try ivf, dat way, conception occurs without sexual intercourse, and when she gets pregnant, they marry, dat way, both needs are satisfied. God help us all in Jesus mighty name, amen.

Anonymous said...

anonymous September 30, 2011 5:58 PM, I think it was you, not your wife that had the problem and were could not make your wife pregnant.

Anyway back to the original story. My dear, I believe that you are forgetting that children are an heritage of the Lord and He only can bless you with a child. There is no guarantee to you or your boyfriend that either of you will have a child or when you will have one. So his demand on you is totally unfair and he is playing God upon your life and that is the reason that you should reflect upon leaving him.

By the way, what if you are in your late 20s? God blessed me with my only child, a boy, at the age of 40. yes, I said 40. I am 43 years old now, and I am a living testimony that Jehovah will bless you in His own time, you just have to wait and trust in Him. Children are His heritage and only his alone to bless whom He pleases, so look to Him and seek His face regarding making this decision.

Anonymous said...

its better you stand your ground by not gettin pregnant cos want if u try n dont get pregnant,it is God that gives children and the purpose n time should be right.

LucidLilith said...

Don't do it. He must marry you for you and not your reproductive organs. Yeye man.

Anonymous said...

gurl friend i think you should tell him you wanna take a break from the relationship and if he really loves u, he would come back

Anonymous said...

gurl friend i think you should tell him you wanna take a break from the relationship and if he really loves u, he would come back i think?

Anonymous said...

See my sister check very well and no if is your husband because some men use to do that even me myself a guy who am dating with now he want to marry me he now told me that before he will take me to the alter that i most become pregnant and am only child of my parent which they will not accept it but i love the guy so much and i try my best to convince him but no way even i think that if he pregnant me that he will round away but he didn't do so. if you love the guy accept him because that is what all guys are doing because of what girls are doing now is bad

Dorothy Grees said...

I broke up with my ex about a month and a week ago. We were going out for 4 months before hand. We are both college students had great chemistry, same major, shared same dreams, we were perfect for each. However, School and my work routine got more intense and I was not able to spend time with him. I had my slips and falls and was not attentive of him like I should have. He started treating me indifferent and a lot of little things about me bothered him. I woke up every day hoping things would be different, I tried my hardest but it seems he didn’t care about me anymore. Two weeks after school ended he broke up with me saying that he always found little things that made him frustrated with me and he didn’t know why and that he didn’t love me. Even though we never got to the stage we said it to each other. I acknowledge what he said and didn’t say anything back. However a day later I wrote him something expressing how I felt that I was sorry and was willing to work hard because I cared about him. He however answered that he didn’t think we should give it another shot. After that I had no contact with him for almost a full month . I order love spell from this website http://magical-rituals.com and my husband change. He became good, nice person and he loved me again. I’m very happy about that.

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